


Across Time

by pandorasv13



Category: Super Junior
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Time Travel, Angst, Bittersweet, Divorce, Implied/Referenced Cheating, M/M, Post-Divorce, Young!Kyuhyun, Young!Ryeowook
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-03
Updated: 2018-03-03
Packaged: 2019-03-26 10:54:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 27,746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13856331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pandorasv13/pseuds/pandorasv13
Summary: Kyuhyun just watched. He watched it fall apart. He knew it was falling apart. At first, it was just amusing to see how far he could push Ryeowook before the man was on the brink of giving up. That was when Kyuhyun would pull him back in, hold him close and shower him with all of the affection anyone could ever want. But that night was different.





	1. Last Date

The lights were low and warm and the walls were a deep maroon, the floors a polished hardwood. Whispered conversations lulled to soft jazz. In the far back corner where an intimate table set for two resided, a lone man impatiently drummed fingertips against the screen of a phone.

His head rested in one hand, the glass of red wine and basket of buttered bread untouched. The wax in the candle was melted, flame flickering with each quiet sigh. He mindlessly brushed his fingers over the touch screen, checking to see if any messages had come in.

For the umpteenth time, he found nothing. Pulling up his text message folder, he scrolled through the lack of responses from his late date.

Frowning, he tapped on the reply button.

_You’re not coming again, are you?_

He pressed send.

Grabbing the glass of red wine, he downed it and stood up. The man slipped on his coat, wrapping a wool scarf around his throat. Tugging it tight, he stuffed hands into pockets and whisked himself out of the restaurant.

He hailed a taxi, climbing in and directing the driver back to his city townhouse. The first snow fall of the year fluttered down from the heavens, melting against the windows of the city cab. His hands were clenched in fists in his lap, forehead resting upon the cool glass. Sighing softly, he shook his head once, eyes shut tightly in barely constrained frustration.

Upon reaching his home, he paid the driver generously, asking him to wait, before trudging up the steps and unlocking the door. He slammed it shut behind him, ripping off the scarf and coat.

“Something wrong, Ryeowook?”

Slowly lifting his gaze, he found his brother-in-law, Leeteuk, peering up from his book. The slim blonde was smiling curiously, glasses perched on his nose.

“That asshole forgot our date again,” he responded flatly, already headed towards the staircase. Gripping the railing hard, he sped up the steps, “I swear, I’m done with that horrible man. He’s insensitive, a liar, a cheater—”

“—whoa, whoa, calm down!” Leeteuk was on his heels within a second, catching his shoulder as they reached the top landing.

Ryeowook shrugged it off, making a beeline for the master bedroom. “I am _tired_ of dealing with him,” he exasperated. The closet was thrown open, a duffel bag jerked out vehemently. Ryeowook started tearing clothes down from the hangers, shoving them into the leather carrier. “You don’t understand what it’s like being married to such a bastard, hyung. He might be your little brother, but you can’t possibly understand what it’s like to be the last priority.” He looked up at the blonde man helplessly watching him pack.

Leeteuk breathed in and exhaled out slowly. “Okay, that is fair,” he conceded, “but you know Kyuhyun. He’s…he’s a mess. You’re the only one he has ever even been remotely serious about. He even agreed to marriage.” Licking his lips, the older man, touched Ryeowook’s arm, trying to settle the rage bubbling in the room. “The very fact that he has been married to you for five years is shocking to all of us. Kyuhyun might not show it well, but you’re incredibly important to him.”

“I don’t care.”

“You do care.”

Ryeowook lifted his gaze, eyes dark and cold. “I’m serious. I do not care.” He paused. “I did care. I really did. But do you see what he’s like?” Shaking his head, he grabbed a shirt from the closet, stopping when he realized it was an old, slightly frayed, and horribly ugly red sweater. There was a poorly embroidered cat on the chest with mismatched buttons for eyes and crooked whiskers.

He dropped it on the floor, reaching up and tugging two dress shirts down from the bar. “I’m not a fool,” Ryeowook sighed, “I know what he does. I know that he fools around. He likes to go drinking. He likes playing with people. I was the one who pushed for marriage. I’m even surprised that he found me interesting enough to marry.” Laughing sharply, he shook his head dismissively. “You know what? Scratch that. He didn’t find me interesting enough to marry. He just decided that I’m the only fool that would stay by his side for that long without asking for much more than a few dinners a month together and a shared home.”

“You know that isn’t true,” Leeteuk argued weakly, afraid to speak too far out of terms and raise false hope. Who knew what his little brother was thinking? Kyuhyun was weird. He had a very estranged sense of right and wrong, valued and unvalued.

“It’s understandable that you’re trying to defend him,” Ryeowook smiled gently, tiredly, “but it’s enough already, hyung. I…I’m done. I thought I could handle him. I thought once we were married, maybe he would be…I don’t know,” he dropped his gaze to the sweater, studying it for a brief moment, “never mind. I don’t know what I was going to say.”

“At least talk it over with him before up and disappearing,” he blurted. Leeteuk’s hand was twitching for his phone, desperately aching to call Kyuhyun’s private line. He had several phones and there was always one phone that he would pick up no matter what. For some reason though – Leeteuk never asked – Kyuhyun never gave that number to Ryeowook.

The slender male shook his head seriously. Silently, he walked over to his dresser, opening up the bottom drawer. Pulling out a folder, he set it on the bed before bending down to pick up and fold the red sweater. “I already decided. This was his last chance. If he came to our date on time and _stayed_ , I would do the same – stay. Stay with him. Love him for the rest of my life.” Ryeowook’s voice drained away, words barely audible even in the silence. His lips quivered the slightest bit, almost as if laughing at his own stupidity. “But he didn’t show up, y’know. I can’t take it. I’m sorry.”

“Is that…?” Leeteuk’s eyes had trailed over to the quiet folder on the bed.

The sound of the zipper shutting was more deafening than any noise to ever touch Leeteuk’s ears and he was immediately regretting not calling Kyuhyun right away.

Ryeowook swung the bag over one shoulder. “I’ll come back for the rest of my stuff some other time. Text me when he’s not home and I’ll bring around a moving truck.”

“I will not!” Leeteuk retorted, brow furrowing.

“Yes, you will,” he smiled. “Thank you, hyung.”

His face fell, eyes filled with panic. “Please Ryeowook, just hold on.” He knew it was weak, but there was nothing else he could say.

“Good night,” he patted the older male’s shoulder and then was pushing past into the hallway, down the stairs and out the door with his coat and scarf in hand.

Leeteuk watched him go silently, the soft clicking of the shutting front door echoing in an echoless room.

Pulling out his phone, he dialed his little brother’s number as he sank down onto the top floor’s steps.

“Hello? What is it?” Kyuhyun’s deep voice rumbled through the speaker.

“He’s gone.”

“…what?” the young man asked softly, seemingly understanding.

The corner of Leeteuk’s mouth quirked oddly, apologetically. “Ryeowook...he, uhm, he left. I’m sorry, Kyuhyun. Really, I’m sorry.”

 


	2. End Game

The texts were coming one after another every fifteen minutes. They had been coming promptly every ten minutes the hour before their date. Kyuhyun watched each one pop up on his phone screen, reading and memorizing the words as if it was a game to see just how much Ryeowook wanted him.

He never responded though.

Kyuhyun just watched. He watched it fall apart. He knew it was falling apart. At first, it was just amusing to see how far he could push Ryeowook before the man was on the brink of giving up. That was when Kyuhyun would pull him back in, hold him close and shower him with all of the affection anyone could ever want.

But that night was different.

He wasn’t drinking himself into a stupor. He wasn’t trying to wake up with a beautiful stranger beside him. He wasn’t even in a meeting.

On that night, he was alone in his office, watching the snow fall for the first time. The city was breathtaking from the company building’s high vantage point. His eyes would shift back and forth between the large glass panels and the buzzing phone.

_I haven’t seen you all week, Kyu. I can’t wait until tonight._

_I just got off work. I’m headed over to the restaurant now._

_Just ten minutes until you’re with me again…I hope you’re doing well._

_Are you on your way? It’s almost seven._

_I’m in the back corner. I ordered your favorite wine._

_Is traffic bad? It must be. I hope you get here soon._

_Will you answer me? Or are you stuck in a meeting?_

_They brought me a basket of bread. I haven’t tried it yet. Will you be here soon?_

_You’re not coming again, are you?_

He would slide his fingers over every word, tracing them as if he was touching Ryeowook for real. Each letter burned and numbed Kyuhyun’s senses, pumping adrenaline into his body while his mind grew more and more detached.

It was his sort of end game. Ryeowook was at his limit – Kyuhyun knew that clearly. He had anticipated it, but he had yet to decide if it was the right choice to take him back then.

Ryeowook was in love with him, but was Kyuhyun ever in love with him? They had been married out of persistence and interest, respectively. The whole concept of marriage hadn’t been extremely interesting to Kyuhyun to begin with and from the very beginning, he had not planned for it to be permanent.

It was a way to pass the time until something more interesting came along. Ryeowook was a constant in his life and for the past five years, that had been fine. However, Kyuhyun had to wonder if it was enough. He spent every night out and about with other people, platonically and/or sexually, so was there even a need for Ryeowook anymore? Their marriage was a farce, as was their relationship prior to the lawful bond.

The game had dried up.

Kyuhyun quietly closed the door to their home, finding it empty of life except for a small note from his older brother.

**Sorry, Kangin needed help putting the kids to sleep. I’ll come and check on you tomorrow night, okay? Love you! –Leeteuk**

He shrugged, tossing the note into the trash. Taking the steps one at a time, he wondered with a mixture of thrill and anxiety what he would find on the other side of his master bedroom door. What would the end of this game look like?

Did Ryeowook throw a tantrum?

Would there be broken glass?

Would his stuff be in shreds?

Kyuhyun pushed the door open, pain crashing down like the coldest ocean wave. He looked around, expecting some sort of emotional reaction. Ryeowook was all about emotions. His tears came quickly and his words came out without regard for anything else. That’s what Ryeowook was like – so why, at such a difficult time, did he leave no trace?

Why wasn’t there a grand finale?

It was as if Ryeowook had never existed. His stuff was clearly there, yet they felt untouched – decorations from a model house. Even Ryeowook’s side of the bed seemed lifeless though Kyuhyun was positive he had slept there the previous night.

The only thing out of order was the folder on the bed and the hideous red sweater beside it. He slowly brushed his fingertips over the paper flap, sliding it open to find a divorce contract. The spaces were already filled in for Ryeowook. Not even a sticky note marked his presence. It was just more cold paperwork – the same kind Kyuhyun filled out day after day.

His attention shifted to the red sweater, immediate hope swelling his chest. Ryeowook hadn’t been completely cold. That was what was important. Kyuhyun tried to smirk as if he had gained some small victory, but his muscles felt frozen. Confused, he touched his face, only then surprised to feel the cool skin drenched with tears.

Quickly walking to the bathroom, he flicked on the light, seeing his cheeks wet, a torrent of clear liquid seeping from his eyes. Wiping at it, he tried to stop it, but the tears were endless. Kyuhyun tried to furrow his brow, but his muscles still weren’t listening.

Shaking his head once, he attempted to blink away the stinging liquid, but it only fell harder.

***

Leeteuk pushed the door open, carrying a bag of homemade food in one hand. He shut and locked the door, making his way upstairs to the master bedroom. A part of him worried that he would find an emotionless Kyuhyun who had already submitted the divorce papers. If that was the case, he knew that whatever possibility of reconciliation as existed before would surely no longer even be an option.

“Kyuhyun…?” Leeteuk called softly, peeking into the room.

The lights were off, darkness casting shadows across the rumpled sheets. A soft groan rose up from the blankets and pillows, a black head of hair popping up.

“Asleep at this hour?” his older brother chuckled, setting the food down. “What happened?”

“What do you mean?” Kyuhyun mumbled, sitting up. He was wearing a long sleeve shirt, pale skin looking even more ghostly than normal. “What time is it?”

“Eight in the evening,” Leeteuk responded slowly.

“Oh…,” he rubbed his eyes, wincing, “it’s late.” Kyuhyun squinted at his older brother, tears rolling down his face. Cursing under his breath, he wiped at them.

“Are you alright?” he frowned, reaching out to stroke the younger male’s hair.

“I don’t know. I think something is wrong with me,” he shook his head, “When I’m awake, I can’t stop crying. They won’t stop and I don’t know why.” Kyuhyun ground his teeth. “What’s wrong with me?” He squeezed his eyes shut, the stinging salt burning them.

Leeteuk stared, speechless.

“I would normally ask Ryeowook about this weird stuff but…well, you already know,” he laughed, but it was breathless and hollow. Leeteuk wondered if Kyuhyun knew how lifeless he sounded.

“Did you sign the papers?” he asked, unable to think of anything else to say.

“My hands are too shaky to do anything,” Kyuhyun grumbled, “I tried a couple of times already, but every time I get close to the paper, my fingers start shaking too hard to write anything.” He cursed again, angrily rubbing his eyes. “They hurt. I need to wash them again.” Kyuhyun fumbled out of bed, teetering to the bathroom.

He grasped the counter for support, turning on the faucet and flushing his eyes out.

Leeteuk watched in awe, unable to even comprehend the level of grief his little brother was experiencing. It was even beyond Kyuhyun’s realm of understanding. Then again, he wasn’t exactly the most emotionally-oriented person.

“Have you tried calling Ryeowook?” Leeteuk asked.

Kyuhyun shook his head, staggering back to bed and lying down. His eyes were shut, but tears continued to leak out. “He already said goodbye to me.”

“When?”

“The sweater.”

“What?” Leeteuk frowned.

“It was winter when we first started dating,” Kyuhyun explained in a soft voice, hands folded over his stomach, “I lent him that sweater because it was the only one he could fit. I told him he can keep that horrible sweater so long as he wants an equally horrible person to be with him.” His words were even but hoarse, as if detached and hurt at the same time. “It’s our promise. Well, it was.”

“It doesn’t have to end, Kyuhyun,” he sighed patiently, “you can go find him.”

“Doesn’t matter anymore,” he muttered, “he’s gone and I caught the flu or something. It’s a shitty week, that’s all.”

“Why are you so outspoken and concise normally, but when it comes to him, you’re such a mess?” Leeteuk shook his head. “You keep trying to think rationally about him, but you clearly care about him in a way that you can’t even understand.”

Kyuhyun scoffed. “You’re annoying. Just leave already.”

He considered arguing more, but it was obvious that there was no getting through to him. If Kyuhyun couldn’t come to understand on his own, he would never understand. There was no way to properly explain someone’s feelings to that someone. They already have the answers, but they refuse to accept them.

“I’ll leave the food here. Try to eat something,” Leeteuk murmured, resigned.

Standing up, he headed out of the room to the soft snoring of his little brother.

 


	3. +428 Days

By the third day after Ryeowook’s leaving, the tears finally stopped. Kyuhyun instead woke up to the urge to puke. After every meal, he would find his way to the bathroom, unable to hold down even a morsel.

The doctor gave him medicine, but it hardly helped. Vitamins and nutritional drinks became the norm. He found it took twice as long to get ready for work nowadays, which was frustrating. Kyuhyun tried to get up and rush through his morning routine, but even then, it still took longer than it used to.

Sometime in those two weeks, he arrived home to find half the stuff missing and wondered if he had been robbed. Only then did he stop and think. Of course it was obvious. Ryeowook had come and retrieved all of his things. The master bedroom was significantly emptier.

After that, Kyuhyun was vomiting from the night into the early morning.

Three weeks passed by before the need to puke passed. Solid foods slowly came back into his diet, but he wasn’t nearly as hungry as he should have been. Kyuhyun mainly drank wine and chewed vitamins.

November drifted into December by the time he realized what a mess the house had become. There were clothes and wrappers and trash strewn around his bedroom and bathroom. If it weren’t for Leeteuk’s weekly visits, the kitchen would’ve been impossible to even enter. The stench of unwashed clothes had finally caught up to Kyuhyun when he opened his closet and found nothing to wear for the day.

Confused, he went to the washer and tossed it all in, completely flustered by his lack of awareness about what was going on. Looking around the house for the first time in a long time, he noticed the need to clean the bathroom and dust the living room and heat the house. It hadn’t occurred to him that it was rather chilly already.

The calendar was a month behind as the first week of December rolled by. Kyuhyun finally got around to changing it three days later. He couldn’t stop accumulating mess, no matter how hard he tried.

Soon enough, it was five days before Christmas and he had forgotten all about it. In between trying to remember to clean and do laundry, the days had flown by without a care. Kyuhyun was exhausted, sleeping when he could and abstaining from any outings besides work. There was no point in going out when he could barely keep his eyes open during the day. Only when Leeteuk and Kangin brought over the kids to celebrate Christmas and bake goods did he realize that the holiday season was in full-swing.

He watched them absently as they giggled and put twinkling ornaments on the tree. Kyuhyun idly wondered if he would finally be able to sign those divorce papers and send them off to Ryeowook. Just the thought of his name sent a jolt through Kyuhyun’s body, adrenaline spiking his blood like the sweetest, forgotten addiction. It was both relentlessly painful and coaxingly warm.

Shaking his head, he would dismiss the prospect, knowing better day-by-day that signing those papers was impossible. Eventually he would have to, but at that moment, he couldn’t even if he wanted to.

He paused, irritated by his own thoughts. _Even if I wanted to…_ Kyuhyun sipped his warm tea. Did that mean he didn’t want to lose Ryeowook? That was already irrational. He had left over a month ago. Sooner or later, a message would arrive asking Kyuhyun to sign the papers already.

The thoughts rushed by too quickly for proper processing, but they went along the lines of a desperate hope. If he could just wait a bit longer, then eventually Ryeowook would contact him again and once they started talking, things could be better again. Kyuhyun needed something stable in his life.

 

The house wasn’t enough.

The money wasn’t enough.

The wine was quickly becoming not enough, too.

 

While searching on the internet for information, he stumbled upon a jewelry site hosting a holiday special, immediately wondering if Ryeowook had taken off their marriage band already. The gold would need polishing if it hadn’t been removed. Kyuhyun found himself smiling, but the expression quickly faded out of embarrassment and shame. How could a grown man be fantasizing about such futile, pathetic things?

Ryeowook wasn’t coming back.

He closed the pop-up window, shaking his head and deciding then that he would start going out again – whether or not he was exhausted. A few caffeine pills would change that attitude.

 

The worst was the first time. Kyuhyun had never had trouble getting hard before. He also hadn’t abstained from sex for more than a month before. That was the excuse for his lack of performance.

Second time around, he met with mild success before reaching orgasm earlier than his partner and then being unable to get stiff again after that.

By the third hook-up, Kyuhyun realized drugs might be the answer. Popping half a dose, he found enough energy to do it properly, going two rounds with a twenty-something.

 

New Year’s flitted by with plentiful booze and more sex than Kyuhyun would ever be able to recall. He had no idea where or what he had done until January 2nd.

It seemed like life was going back to normal.

Kyuhyun hired a maid to clean his house – a brilliant idea that he hadn’t considered for some reason. The nights of solitude faded into nights of hard partying and soft drugs. Some more willful partners would ask to come to his home, but the answer was always a stiff no.

Sometimes, they would question why. Kyuhyun almost always immediately thought that it was wrong simply because Ryeowook wouldn’t tolerate even the presence of a one-night-stand in their private home. However, he would dismiss such silliness and tell them that his home was too messy, too far, or under too much construction to show people.

 

And so, the season changed again and again and again until Kyuhyun realized a year had passed since their separation. The dreaded papers sat on the dresser collecting dust. Life was fine that way. Kyuhyun barely registered anything amiss anymore and only concerned himself during the nights when he didn’t find a partner – a rare occurrence – and was left alone to his thoughts until the sun rose.

As December came once more, he entered his master bedroom to find something amiss. The papers were gone. He searched for them everywhere. They were the bane of his existence – the last document tying him to Ryeowook. Desperation launched through his mind and body, sending him into a mad frenzy.

Leeteuk finally appeared to tell him simply, “I got your personal stamp and confirmed the divorce. I sent them off to Ryeowook.”

“Why?” Kyuhyun demanded, feeling the dreaded stinging behind his eyes again. “Why would you do that?” he cried.

“It’s been a year,” his brother explained calmly. “You’re back to normal.”

“No, I’m not!” he shrieked, chest rising and falling in a panic. He dropped down on the bed, fingers curled into his hair as thoughts raced through his brain. “He won’t come back…he’s not going to come back now…he…he won’t come back to me…” Kyuhyun breathed, chest tightening until his tears were drenching his face like day one.

Leeteuk simply watched, deciding that now was not the best time to tell his little brother why he had done as he did.

 

January swiftly rushed past once more. Kyuhyun opened the newspaper on the morning of February 1st, eyes falling on the loveliest face he had ever seen. The body he had mapped with his fingers, lips, limbs, and tongue was intimately being caressed by a horrendously unsuitable set of hands.

**International composer Kim Ryeowook announces his engagement to acclaimed singer Kim Jongwoon!**

Tabloids. They had to be tabloids. That’s all Kyuhyun could think of as he tried to stop his hands from trembling. He bit his lip until blood was trickling down his chin.

And that night, he finally accepted that his cycle of grieving had to end. He made a mistake over a year ago and it needed to be corrected. Ryeowook is his significant other and always will be. No one else should have him – is more perfectly _fit_ for him than Kyuhyun.

So, he got down on two knees and prayed.

 

He prayed for Ryeowook to realize that they’re perfect together.

He prayed to be better for Ryeowook.

He prayed for happiness and love and forgiveness.

He prayed for an angel to come and give him another chance.

 


	4. First Kiss

“Is that what you really want?”

Kyuhyun’s eyes flew open and he swung around. There was a young man gazing down at him. A lollipop dangled from the corner of his mouth, little smirk quirking his lips. The grown man stumbled to his feet, falling backwards as the youth snickered. “You’re…”

“You?” he offered simply.

“No…I mean, yes,” Kyuhyun paused, staring at the younger version of himself. “Am I dead?”

“Not exactly,” he shrugged, cocking one hip, “okay, not at all…sort of.” The boy frowned, confused. “Look, sometimes doppelgangers are supposedly omens of death. In this case, it doesn’t mean you’re going to die right away.”

“Just spit it out,” he snapped.

The younger one grimaced. “Am I that bitter when I get older?” Shaking his head, he explained, “Some people are meant to be with certain other people. For us, that person is Ryeowook and you’re already apart from him,” the young man’s eyes flashed angrily, but the emotion was suppressed. “That’s why you’re going to fade away. You’re going to die because you’re already dead on the inside. Get it?”

Kyuhyun made a face. “…no.”

He rolled his eyes. “Lord,” he muttered. “Alright,” he began again, exasperated, “I’m gonna give you a chance because you’re me and you’re incredibly stupid.” The young man leaned forward, poking his older-self in the chest. “Some years ago, you met Ryeowook. A few things were wrong at that time and _you_ , old man, are gonna fix it.” He grinned at Kyuhyun’s annoyance.

“I must’ve gone crazy,” he breathed.

“You haven’t,” the younger one corrected impatiently, “and stop wasting time. There’s only a certain time per day that you can do this stuff.”

“What stuff?”

Young-Kyuhyun smiled widely, voice low. “Of course, it’s time travel.”

Silence.

“For a few hours between just before midnight and into the early hours of the morning, anything can happen,” he explained carefully, suppressed excitement evident, “you can bend the laws of reality. You can resurrect, you can warp, you can ruin. In this case, you have a chance to repair – repair it all.”

“You’re not making enough sense,” he sighed, rubbing his head, “what am I supposed to change? I’ll do it, but I…,” Kyuhyun took a deep breath, “I can’t make any more mistakes. I fucking can’t lose him.”

His younger self flopped down on the bed, stretching his arms out carelessly. “Cool it, old man. I wouldn’t lead you the wrong way when it affects me. The night that we saw Ryeowook for the first time was also the night that he met Jongwoon. If you don’t want this horrible future, then you better not let them meet.”

“How do I do that?”

“I don’t know,” he laughed, “figure it out. Just don’t fuck it up.” He sat up, flashed a smirk at his older self, and then vanished with the echoing words: _close your eyes and you’ll wake up…_

***

There were a few things Ryeowook never wanted to happen to him in college or ever for that matter. One, he never wanted a bee sting. Two, he never wanted to be murdered or raped – which he thought was fairly normal. And third, he never wanted to be grabbed and kissed by a stranger – something that was only recently added to the list after it happened. 

It was just a normal day, really. He was two months into his first semester as a sophomore in college. The weather was just cool enough for sweaters, scarves, and sipping hot chocolate in the recesses of the library.

But as he was humming down the hallway, drink in hand and books tucked under one arm, the strangest thing happened. Ryeowook was taking the same path he had been taking since freshman year – up the stairs, a left, a right, and down the sunset lit corridor to the reading room at the very end on the right.

His eyes were trained on the hazy dust floating through the orange passage, dancing across stained glass and old wooden wall panels. Through the faint glow, a tall, dark haired, deeply attractive man seemed to emerge from nothingness. He was finely dressed in a tailored grey suit, tousled locks messily arranged around pale skin. In a flash, he strode towards Ryeowook who had slowed in confusion.

The man was clearly in his mid-thirties, stress lines permanently etched beneath his coal black eyes. Ryeowook couldn’t say that the age marks did anything to detract from his handsome features though.

His shoes were silent against the carpet as he came forward without hesitation. The older male grabbed the back of his neck, jerked him forward, and crushed their lips together. Ryeowook made a noise in the back of his throat, struggling to balance his books and drink as a strong arm snaked around his slender waist, arching him forward.

A talented tongue swept across his parted lips, sliding inside his mouth without a hint of caution. The man gently brushed his fingertips across the soft flesh just behind Ryeowook’s ear, making him practically crumble and moan. A deep chuckle rumbled through the kiss and the student was positive then that he didn’t know what it was like to swoon until that very moment.

Slowly, the lips that had smothered him dragged away, pecking sweetly once, twice, and then once more before fully pulling away.

“You’re beautiful, now and in the future,” the stranger whispered, eyes pained.

“Who are you?” Ryeowook panted, flushed and weak-kneed. He couldn’t quite wrap his head around feeling disgusted yet. “Why did you kiss me?”

The man’s mouth curved up in the sweetest, most alluring smile the student had ever seen. “I saw you and couldn’t help it.”

“ _Who are you_?” he repeated, stronger this time. Ryeowook tried to pull out of the man’s arms, but he refused to release him.

“I’m Kyuhyun,” he stated, “and we’ll be married three years from now.”

“You’re crazy.” He shook his head slowly.

“Trust me, I’m having a hard time understanding too,” Kyuhyun responded calmly, “but you have to believe me.” He paused, seeing the skepticism in Ryeowook’s face, “I don’t know why I’m here, but I need you to listen to me. Can you do that?”

Ryeowook narrowed his eyes.

“Oh that’s too cute,” he murmured, chuckling and pinching the boy’s cheek. “You still do that when you’re old, you know.”

He slapped the hand away. “I’m not listening to a creep. Now release me.”

“Tonight,” Kyuhyun ignored him, “a bit after eleven, you’re going to wake up after falling asleep while studying. I’m going to be in between some bookshelves, watching you meet someone named Jongwoon.”

“What—”

“Ssh,” he shook his head, cradling the student’s cheek gently, “listen to me, Ryeowook. He’s going to tell you that you’re beautiful. Don’t listen. You can’t listen to him.” Kyuhyun nuzzled his throat affectionately, achingly. “Look for me and find me. When you do, tell younger me that you want to go out for coffee, okay? Do you understand?”

“No,” he blurted.

“What was confusing?” he cocked his head.

“ _Everything_ ,” Ryeowook grouched. He wriggled around, managing to break away from the male. “That’s all crap. I would never do something so bold, especially towards someone who was spying on me.”

Kyuhyun grimaced. “You have to.”

He rolled his eyes. “Look, I don’t care. I don’t know where you came from and I don’t wanna know.” Ryeowook pushed the door to the room open.

A hand snatched his wrist, spinning him around. Kyuhyun was staring down at him urgently. “This is important, okay? Tonight is when it all started and why it will end. Don’t let it end.” His voice dropped, catching Ryeowook’s off-guard. “…whatever it is that happened tonight cannot happen again. If it does, we will lose each other forever. I…I don’t want to live without you anymore. That’s why I’m here. Don’t let me make the same mistakes.”

“How would I know what they are?” Ryeowook responded, watching the man.

“Games,” Kyuhyun stated softly, “it’s all a game. Remember that. Don’t let that settle though. Don’t let it all be a game.” He glanced around, feeling himself fading. “Time’s up.” Sighing he leaned down, a feather light kiss enchanting Ryeowook one last time before the hallway was old dust and fading sunlight again.

 


	5. His Blessing

The nineteen-year-old stared down the now empty hallway, squinting through the dust. Touching his lips softly, Ryeowook blinked and let his tongue flick out. There was a definite taste of something foreign. Older…darker…a bit like alcohol…he pressed the palm of his hand to cheek and flushed harder.

If all that that strange man had said was true, then maybe studying wasn’t the best decision. Ryeowook shook his head. He would rather not run into the phantom again – or his youthful counterpart…if that was even real. His head was starting to hurt.

Turning on his heel, he headed out of the library and back into the fading light of day. Adjusting his sweater and scarf, he hunched forward and began the trek back to his apartment. Thinking back, he had been too distracted to really register the man’s face. It was definitely handsome – the most handsome person Ryeowook had ever set eyes on – but he sure was a weird one. Who randomly walked up and spouted that stuff? Had he just kissed a ghost and liked it? Ryeowook shook that thought away, feeling queasy.

Five minutes later, he was pushing the door to his apartment open and stumbling in on what looked very much like the makings of a party. Ryeowook grimaced. His two roommates weren’t like him. They actually liked to do other things besides studying. Normally it didn’t bother him since he was always at the library, but just the thought of going back was scaring him.

“What’s going on?” Ryeowook asked carefully, kicking the door shut softly and walking to the living room.

“Mixing drinks,” Heechul hollered.

“Throwing a party!” Sungmin chimed in, setting up what looked like a mini hookah bar.

“I’ll be in my room then,” he muttered, turning and heading away from the madness. They were good people; they just liked to party. That’s what Ryeowook always tried to convince himself.

He twisted the knob of his door and pushed open just as Sungmin’s high-pitched shout rocked through the apartment. Ryeowook jumped a bit, frowning and looking down the hall as he crossed the threshold. “Is everything okay?” he called, turning forward in time to see a young man standing inside the room.

His pants were skintight and black, silver studs and leather coiled around his wrist. Heavy rings clung to long, pale fingers that held one of Ryeowook’s pictures. The boy was dark haired with a shock of maroon in the messy locks. Smudged eyeliner dragged across the bottom of his eyes and the corners, standing out starkly against the white complexion.

He tilted his head, coal black eyes sliding up and down Ryeowook’s body.

“Kyuhyun?” he blurted, shutting his mouth tightly when the boy seemed to respond to the name.

Setting the picture down, the punk turned fully towards him, eyes narrowing a bit. “Who’re you?” he deadpanned.

“Get out of my room,” Ryeowook ignored the question, stepping out of the way for the boy to leave.

“How did you know my name?” he demanded with his low voice as alluring as that older stranger had been just ten minutes ago. “Who are you?”

“You’re the one in _my_ room,” he snapped, “Now get out.”

“Sorry Kyuhyun!” Sungmin rounded the corner, looking apologetic. He glanced at Ryeowook, saying, “This is Cho Kyuhyun. He’s a freshman, but he’s really cool. I let him sleep over last night because we were drinking and I didn’t want him getting in trouble with the dorm RA.”

Ryeowook just shook his head, “Get him out of here. I don’t care.” He brushed past the fuming freshman, tossing his books onto the bed before turning and heading out of the room.

“Where are you going?” Sungmin questioned.

“Out,” he responded, snatching his keys and flinging the front door open.

 

Sighing deeply, Sungmin rubbed his head.

“Your roommate is a fuckin’ ass.” Kyuhyun sank down on the bed while his eyes wandered grudgingly back to the picture that had caught his attention earlier. He had been planning to flirt with the pretty boy on the glossy paper but he should’ve known people who looked like that were bound to have bad personalities. Kyuhyun’s gaze dragged over the slender body in the photo, slightly twisted from hanging onto the girl beside him, but nonetheless beautiful. The skin was smooth and clear, hair wet from swimming.

“He’s really never like that,” Sungmin explained, looking distressed. “Maybe he didn’t do well on a test. Ryeowook is really cool. I mean, he puts up with me and Heechul-hyung after all.”

“That takes some mighty balls,” Heechul remarked as he passed by, carrying some supplies.

Kyuhyun rolled his eyes. “Doesn’t matter. He treated me like the plague or some shit like that. Is he just hostile to me then? And did you tell him my name?”

“No, I didn’t,” Sungmin frowned, “Why?”

“He called me by name before I even said anything,” he shrugged, masking the confusion. “Either way, where was he last night? I forgot to ask you yesterday.”

“Oh,” the older male smiled sheepishly, “I texted Ryeowook last night to ask him if he had somewhere else to sleep. Usually when we’re all partying, we warn him.”

Kyuhyun nodded slowly. “I see…,” he trailed off, kicking himself up and heading out of the room. “Thanks for letting me crash here. I have to do stuff tonight so have fun without me.”

“No problem,” Sungmin waved goodbye, “see you.”

The freshman headed out of the apartment, shutting the door behind him. He exhaled heavily, expression dark with irritation. People looked at him funny all the time. People were scared of him. They talked behind his back. They also loved him. They wanted to fuck him or be fucked by him. There was never anyone who set eyes on him though and looked like _that_. It was as if Ryeowook had just seen an apparition or something.

Why?

Kyuhyun caught sight of the one in question walking down the road. A thick gray scarf was whipping around his head, tail billowing in the wind. He frowned, giving chase before even understanding what he was doing.

The figure was dressed in an oversized green sweater and light wash jeans. Kyuhyun was too wrapped up in his own thoughts to notice that the man was dressed differently than before.

His hand clamped down on the thin wrist, jerking Ryeowook around.

Kyuhyun was confused for a split second, not fully recognizing the thinner face. Shaking his head quickly, he looked again, verifying that it definitely was the boy…but not. “W-What…? Did you just drop like twenty pounds?”

“You’re still such a smooth-talker,” he responded dryly. Ryeowook shook his arm loose. “I can’t believe I forgot that you used to be a little punk.” His smile was gentle, delicate fingers reaching up to brush over Kyuhyun’s cheeks. “Have you met yet?”

“I am so confused.”

The older Ryeowook laughed softly, taking the boy’s hand and leading him over to a bench. They sat down in the chilly fall air and Kyuhyun was beginning to feel his stomach coiling. The older male studied him for a moment before unwrapping his scarf and tucking it around the college student’s neck. “You always wore such skimpy clothes. That’s how you caught colds so often, silly.” He patted the scarf twice, letting his hand linger for a moment. There was something dark in his aged eyes, disappearing the next moment.

“Can you tell me what’s going on? I swear I just ran into you…and you weren’t like this,” he emphasized the latter part of his statement.

Older-Ryeowook nodded slowly, understandingly. “I don’t know the exact details, but I’m going to guess that the Future You visited the younger me already.” He waited patiently for Kyuhyun to absorb that. When he got an affirmative nod of understanding, he went on. “Well, let me explain. Three years from now, you and Ryeowook are going to be married.”

His first thought: _Oh fuck._

His next thought: _Damn, my spouse is hot._

His last thought: _He’s still a bastard._

Older-Ryeowook leaned back against the bench. “A year ago in my timeline, I filed for divorce.”

“What the fuck did I do?” Kyuhyun blurted.

“Uhm…,” he frowned, struggling to find the right words, “you…well, you slept around and got plastered and just in general made a mockery of marriage.”

“Why did you marry me?” he gaped at the man, “I mean, I do that now. You still wanted me.”

“I thought you would change when you got older. I thought that you would learn to accept me.” Ryeowook sighed, “It really was wishful thinking.” He glanced at the boy. “It’s all a game, isn’t it, Kyu? It’s always going to be a game to you.”

“Why would I treat it any other way?” he demanded, “Look, you’re hot, and I mean seriously fucking attractive,” Kyuhyun licked his lips, curling his fingers in his lap, “and you seem pretty nice too…but really. Why bother trying to marry me?”

Ryeowook shrugged. “I loved you.” He smiled, “I thought I could love you my entire life if you just made a little effort. I didn’t care if you slept around. I didn’t even care that you didn’t care. But I guess I finally woke up.” He breathed in deeply, “…so please do me a favor and yourself a favor. Don’t get close to me in this time.” Ryeowook looked at the confused boy. “I know you. I know that the Future You also got hurt, but I couldn’t change that. So…spare me and yourself the trouble. It won’t be worth it.”

He was quiet for a long time, but Ryeowook said nothing, simply letting him think in peace. When words finally did form in his mouth, they were reasonable. “I got it. Don’t worry.”

“But I am worrying.” The answer was quick, confident, and wholly tired. “Because you’re saying that now, but you chased after me. You came looking for me. You could’ve kept going on your way, but you were curious.”

“Now that I know what’s going on, it won’t happen again,” Kyuhyun assured.

Ryeowook smiled, exasperated. “That confidence is what always tricked me.” He touched the boy’s hair gently, slowly rising to his feet. “You always break your vows, because everything is a game,” he shook his head, “Anyway, I could never say this all to the Future You. He’s far more aggressive at that age. At the least, I wanted the younger you to know.” Ryeowook glanced over his shoulder. “I’ll be getting married to a man named Kim Jongwoon soon. I think I could be happy with him. Will you give me your blessing?” he peered down at the boy.

Kyuhyun shrugged, ignoring the pinching in his heart as the fingers in his hair trailed away. “Sure. I hope you’re happy with him.” 

“Thanks.” Ryeowook smiled.

One blink. Just one. And then Kyuhyun was alone.

 


	6. Drive

Kyuhyun tapped his foot incessantly, hands rubbing together anxiously. He had been waiting all night, the restaurant already beginning to close. It was strange putting himself in the other’s shoes. Was this how Ryeowook had felt every time? Did he always wait this long? What had happened to them?

He scoffed at his own idiocy. He knew exactly what happened to them, but it was hard to admit. Games were always Kyuhyun’s forte. They kept life interesting. So why couldn’t they continue to keep life interesting? What made them lose their effectiveness?

“Sir, I’m sorry, but we’re closing now.”

Kyuhyun shook his head, paying for his drink and shrugging his coat on. The sting was more than he had expected. He didn’t let it show though, eyes dark and focused on a faraway point. Stuffing his gloved hands into pockets, he headed out of the restaurant.

The valet took his ticket, promising to return immediately.

Snowflakes landed on the black of his coat and hair, resting delicately. Kyuhyun breathed out, watching the white puff of smoke flare out and disperse.

“I thought I could be as horrible as you. Clearly I can’t.”

He wasn’t sure if death had clutched his heart, or if an angel had just nibbled at his ears. Turning, Kyuhyun settled his gaze on Ryeowook’s form. His ex-husband was red-cheeked and bundled up in a heavy jacket. A hat was pulled low over his face and neck. Kyuhyun had the painful urge to warm him, but there was something sticking him to the spot.

“I couldn’t decide,” Ryeowook filled the silence, shrugging, “by the time I decided to just face you, the restaurant was closing.”

“How long have you been out here?” he managed, noting the strangled quality to his voice.

The other male didn’t seem to notice it. “An hour maybe. Not too long.”

Kyuhyun’s attention shifted to the car pulling up. “I…have to go,” he mumbled half-heartedly, pointing with his elbow at the sleek black vehicle.

“You always have to go,” Ryeowook responded, “it’s nothing new.” He turned and started walking away.

The constricting in his chest increased ten-fold, tearing viciously into what was left of his sanity. “ _Please_!” he called, raspy and gruelingly pathetic. Ryeowook paused but didn’t look at him. Kyuhyun clenched his fist, jaw twitching. “I…I didn’t just call you out for nothing. Will you please let me talk to you? I promise I’ll drive you…,” he choked on the words, but didn’t let the faltering be the end of him, “…to Jongwoon’s place. I’ll take you there after I’ve said what I need to say.”

Ryeowook was quiet for what seemed like a thousand lifetimes. When he finally sighed, Kyuhyun thought that it would be a rejection. However, Ryeowook turned around and silently strode up to the car, opening the passenger door. “Let’s hurry up then.”

His eyes widened, but then he was scrambling to the driver’s side, tipping the valet clumsily along the way. Kyuhyun shut the door behind him and immediately looked at Ryeowook who was undoing the oversized scarf around his neck. “Thanks,” he breathed.

“Mm,” Ryeowook muttered, not meeting his gaze.

Kyuhyun ignored it though, knowing that this was his only chance to make things clear. He couldn’t get married without hearing everything. Now Kyuhyun just had to figure out what the misunderstanding was, because he hadn’t thought they would get this far. Shifting the car into Drive, he slowly rolled out of the parking lot.

They drove in perfect, heavy silence for several minutes until Ryeowook once again ended it. “Congratulations on your recent scandal with that actress. I remember that you loved her movies.”

“Do you keep up with me?” Kyuhyun said without thinking.

“No, I don’t,” he shook his head honestly. “It was in a magazine a co-worker was reading.”

“It was just a one-night-stand,” he clarified without being prompted.

Ryeowook was looking out the window. “I don’t really care. I expected as much anyway.” He yawned, resting his head against the cool glass.

“Are you tired?” Kyuhyun fumbled for words, resisting the urge to wipe his sweaty hands off. The leather gloves weren’t breathable at all. He couldn’t remember another time that he had been so on edge.

“I’m fine,” he answered shortly, “where are we going?”

“Just somewhere to talk,” he assured.

That seemed to end the conversation as Ryeowook fell silent.

 

They drove for some time along the dark road until Kyuhyun pulled up to the front gates of a university. It was large and surprisingly quiet. The car was shifted into Park. Kyuhyun took a deep breath, trying to calm himself before continuing.

“Look,” he began, “for all that I’ve done to you, I am sorry. I won’t say I never meant it, because I did mean it. Otherwise I wouldn’t have been doing it.” Kyuhyun pushed past the clearly hurt emotions flickering over Ryeowook’s face. “But I didn’t think that when you left, I would start to hate my games.”

“Don’t tell me that this is why you called me out.”

Kyuhyun stopped, taken back. “What do you mean?”

Ryeowook stifled a sigh, eyes catching his. “Are you trying to reconcile? It’s too late. It shouldn’t have taken my marriage to someone else to push you to do this.” His hands had curled into fists. “Just…Kyuhyun, do you understand how pathetic that is for me? You didn’t want me after I walked away. You haven’t wanted me until you knew someone else was taking me. You say that you hate games, but I’m still just a game to you.”

“That’s not true—”

“—It _is_.” Ryeowook cut back sharply, eyes narrowing angrily. “The game isn’t a game until there’s a rival. Jongwoon is trying to ruin your game. You don’t want anyone messing up your little toys. That’s how you’ve always been. I was just an easily obtained game piece. That’s why you kept me around.”

Kyuhyun reached out automatically, but his hand was slapped away. The fierce reaction felt like a severing. His hand burned and froze, feeling violently disconnected.

“Can you even remember why you chose me? I sure as hell don’t know why you did.” Ryeowook shook his head, disgust feeding into his expression. “You don’t understand at all. I don’t care what you have to say when I know that it’s all bullshit. You’ve never told me the truth. That’s what I’ve realized during our time apart. I’m tired of it all. I’m tired of you.”

So many rebuttals rose up in Kyuhyun’s throat, but nothing would come out. It was as if the tunnel had been shut up and no more could rise up. Closing his eyes, he tried to loosen the barrier constricting him, not wanting to lose his one and only chance to make things right again. Ryeowook wasn’t married yet and he would do everything he could to make sure that stayed true.

He couldn’t actually think of Ryeowook as just another game piece – let alone a cheap game piece. But how could he prove that?

“Take me home now.”

Kyuhyun ignored the statement, turning until his eyes were level with Ryeowook’s. “Listen to me. Postpone the wedding.”

“Why should I?” he retorted.

“Give me a second chance.”

Ryeowook’s face screwed up in near rage. “You have no idea what you’re asking.”

He ground his teeth. “I’m serious. Don’t give me one of your half-hearted second chances. Give me a real one. Let me show you that I can be the end all. I will be your end game. Just let me prove it.” Kyuhyun exhaled loudly. “Jongwoon was never meant for you.”

“If you’re done insulting my fiancé, take me home.” Ryeowook’s face was closed off, eyes dark and livid.

Only then did it make sense to Kyuhyun just how serious the situation was. There was no way to get through to him anymore. They weren’t connected. He lingered in that thought, squeezing the steering wheel harder.

“I won’t stop pestering you until you agree.” Kyuhyun cast Ryeowook a look. “You know I mean it. You know me. You know how horrible I am, and how stubborn I can be.”

And if there was any doubt before that that was a bluff, it no longer existed. Ryeowook licked his lips, closing his eyes. “You have one week. That’s it.”

 


	7. A Different Future

Kyuhyun ran his fingers over the tight leather of his pants, eyes flitting around the room. Strobe lights and gyrating bodies swarmed his vision, appearing and disappearing like phantoms in the club. He shook his head, only vaguely interested in what was normally a comfortable situation. It meant getting lost in a sea of equally lost people. They made him feel like he wasn’t alone in fucking up.

There were others far worse than him. He grimaced. Then again, there were also way too many people far better than him.

“What’re you thinking about?” a slurred voice mumbled in his ear, snaking fingers following. She was thin and scanty, lips bright pink to match equally bright hair.

Kyuhyun pushed her away and slid out of the booth. “I’m heading out.” He didn’t wait for an answer before he was out the door and down the street. The cool night air was refreshing after the sticky heat.

His eyes trailed sideways, pulling him to a stop when he saw a particularly beautiful person sitting inside a café. As much as he hated that person, he couldn’t deny how absolutely lovely Ryeowook was to look at. That’s it though. Just looks. There was nothing remotely good about his personality. Kyuhyun frowned – still sour from their previous encounter a couple of weeks prior.

“He’s gorgeous, isn’t he?”

Kyuhyun’s eyes widened. Head snapping around, he came face to face with himself…sort of. The man was older, taller, and more handsome. His hair was a bit shorter and dark. The sweater he wore was black to match the fitted black jeans hugging his leather-footed legs. “You…,” Kyuhyun mumbled, watching as the man turned to look at him.

“What’s up, squirt?” the Future smirked.

Well that was annoying. Young-Kyuhyun’s face dropped, eyes narrowing. “You’re a bastard. You’re as much of a bastard as him.” He jabbed a finger in the direction of the café.

“I’m guessing you two aren’t getting along then?” Older-Kyuhyun remarked.

“Good to know I’m not a complete dumbass in the future.”

The older male barely registered the jab, instead turning back to the window. Ryeowook was listening to music and working on something or other in his notebook, paying no mind to his surroundings. “He’s really kind when you get to know him. He’s probably too kind, actually.”

“If I get to know him, I’m going to break his heart. You’re living proof of that,” Young-Kyuhyun responded flatly, “besides, he’s just nice to look at. I’m not actually interested in him. He’s not my type.”

“Oh shut up,” he scoffed, “You are _me_ and I am you – just older. I know what your type is and Ryeowook is your dream. He’s just not interested in you.”

“I’m not exactly jumping him, now am I?” Young-Kyuhyun cocked an eyebrow. “Why are you even here? I thought all of this time skipping business was done with.”

Older-Kyuhyun stiffened, suddenly realizing something. “You…You’re not freaking out. Why aren’t you freaking out?” he turned to stare at the boy.

“Uh,” he clicked his tongue, “because I met Old-Ryeowook a little ways back—”

“—what did he tell you?” Kyuhyun blurted.

“Stay away and goodbye.” He eyed his older self calmly – clearly. “So I’m gonna listen—”

“—you don’t know how big of a mistake you would be making.” Kyuhyun’s gaze was dark and somber. There was nothing uncertain about the way he was watching his younger self. “When you marry him, you’ll understand.” He pressed his lips together faintly. “When you’re sick, he makes you soup and stays beside you day and night until you’re better. Early in the morning when you’re hung-over, he makes you a remedy and leaves you a note reminding you to drink a little less next time. You ignore it though and go do it again and again. He doesn’t mind though. He acts like he doesn’t mind and that’s the most incredible part.”

He swallowed, eyes still focused on Ryeowook through the glass. “He washes and folds the laundry, chats with your brother, loves your family – somehow manages to love you too, makes you dinner even though you never eat it, kisses you when he thinks you’ve fallen asleep from exhaustion, puts a blanket around you when you’ve fallen asleep in your study, invites you on dates you never attend, and…,” Kyuhyun’s lips were curled up, looking happier than his younger self had ever seen anyone – especially himself. “…and he’s just so beautiful. He’s so, so beautiful.”

“Why did you fuck everything up then?” Young-Kyuhyun shoved hands into his pockets. He leaned back against the brick wall beside the glass. “If you love him so much, then just go fix things in your own time.”

“I’m working on it,” he sighed, “and I do know that I’m to blame for most everything. Just…you need to go and experience it for yourself…as me.” Kyuhyun shrugged. “You’ll be missing out if you skip over this. He’s what makes your future better.”

“But I’ll be the reason his future is worse,” the younger one responded clearly, “Is that fair?” He shook his head. “I don’t know the guy and I don’t like him much either, but I’m not gonna purposefully ruin his life.”

“I don’t remember being this soft,” Kyuhyun made a face, but his eyes twinkled playfully. Chuckling, he ruffled his younger self’s hair, expression growing darker with desperation. “Sorry…but I’m not so soft.” And then he was sinking his tight fist into the surprised boy’s stomach. _You will meet him. You will fall in love and change my future._

He gasped, staggering to the ground as his future self disappeared. Cursing silently, he held his aching gut, scrambling to the curbside as he puked up the drinks from earlier that night.

From behind, he faintly heard a door opening and then soft footsteps nearing him. Kyuhyun coughed, spitting. His eyes were tearing, face hot with rushing blood under his skin. A hand lightly brushed his shoulder, accompanied by a voice.

“Are you okay?” Ryeowook asked, concern dripping from his words.

 _Oh fucking dammit._ Kyuhyun briskly pulled away, stumbling before collapsing. He growled low in his throat, knowing that he probably looked like a drunk. “I’m fine…,” he croaked, breathing hard.

“No, you’re not,” Ryeowook snapped, paying little mind to the fact that it was Kyuhyun. “Here, let me help you.” He got up, hurrying back into the café to grab his things. It took less than thirty seconds for him to get back outside. He sighed in relief when he saw that Kyuhyun hadn’t shuffled off.

Then again, it wasn’t as if he could at that point. He felt so nauseated there was no chance of getting up. Kyuhyun frowned deeply, loathing that he had been fooled by himself. That must’ve been some sort of horribly, humiliating joke. Not to mention, now he was going to get stuck dealing with Ryeowook. Getting near him was like pressing a detonation button for their relationship. Kyuhyun wasn’t a normal person and he was positive that no one could fix his flaws. People weren’t that patient and the future already showed that Ryeowook was going to give up on him too. What was the point in trying for a serious relationship when everything was already preordained?

Games were fun. Games kept things lively. Games also kept people away.

“C’mon, up you go,” Ryeowook grunted, swinging Kyuhyun’s arm over his shoulder, helping to bear his weight as they headed down the street.

 _Shit. I need to get away from him._ He ground his teeth. “Just…get away,” he managed, swaying on his feet despite the effort and will to do the opposite.

“No, be quiet,” he stated flatly. His eyes never diverted from the road ahead. “You’re important to Sungmin. I’m not going to let you find your way home after watching you puke in a street alone.”

“You’re not my mom.” Kyuhyun looked down wanting to rationalize what was going on. He couldn’t find anything though. There was no reason for Ryeowook to be helping him. In fact, he should’ve been doing the exact opposite. The guy clearly didn’t like him when they first met and if Kyuhyun had guessed right, the reason Ryeowook knew his name was because the Older-Kyuhyun had met him prior.

If that was the case, it should’ve been clear that their fates were entwined and the best way to avoid entwining them further was to stay away.

“I’m not trying to be your mom, brat,” Ryeowook scoffed, “do you think I like picking up drunks in the street? I just don’t want to see my roommate’s face if he finds a newspaper article tomorrow saying that his freshman buddy died in the street.” He glanced down at the boy. “Besides, you’re so young. What are you doing out alone?”

“You’re not exactly old,” he snapped, coughing, “and I don’t report to you. Stop being so friendly,” Kyuhyun shoved away, but barely managed a step away before he was stumbling again and Ryeowook was grabbing him. 

The older boy sighed. “Helping you isn’t going to make us fall in love.” Ryeowook smiled a bit at the flush spreading across the younger boy’s darkened face. The night was dark, but the street lamps did nothing to hide the reddening features. “Now just be quiet and let me be a good upperclassman.”

He said nothing more and neither did Kyuhyun.

They walked silently down the road, both of them praying that simply being together wasn’t the start of something. Of course, it was impossible that it meant nothing.

A different meeting ordains a different, but connected, future.

It was the beginning of a different story.

 


	8. Rewrite

_Present Timeline_

Kyuhyun hadn’t expected Ryeowook to cooperate, but when they had discussed a second chance, hadn’t he demanded a _true_ second chance? Although Kyuhyun understood he was more than 90% to blame for everything that went sour in their marriage and relationship at large, Ryeowook wasn’t completely innocent. He also had never fully forgiven Kyuhyun for his actions, and that itself created a rift.

“You’re particularly distracted today, aren’t you?” Leeteuk remarked, sipping at his coffee as he watched his younger brother mull over something or other. If he had to take a guess, the issue was with Ryeowook—as always. Sighing, Leeteuk leaned across the cafe table, reaching out to tap his brother’s hand.

Kyuhyun jolted, blinking and refocusing. “What?”  
“What are you trying to do?”

The younger man grimaced. “I’m trying to drink coffee. Why?”

Leeteuk swallowed the urge to roll his eyes. “You’re planning something. Possibly—most likely having to do with Ryeowook. What is it?” The glare he received in response could’ve frozen hell over.

“Are you asking so you can foil my plans again?” Kyuhyun shot back dryly, crossing his arms and leaning back. “Don’t think I’ve forgotten what you did.”

Sighing, he set his coffee aside. “Kyuhyun, you can’t be this childish for the rest of your life. I did what needed to be done. Ryeowook is getting married—”

“—he’s not.”

“He is.”

“A week.”

Leeteuk paused. “What?”

Kyuhyun studied his brother for a long moment before repeating, “A week. I have a week to convince Ryeowook not to do it.”

Although they were brothers, it was never easy for Leeteuk to fathom some of Kyuhyun’s actions. Like most everyone, Leeteuk had been reflecting on his sibling’s marriage and the more he thought about it, the clearer it became that divorce was the healthiest option. Ryeowook was clearly unhappy. Kyuhyun was only being spoiled and encouraged to behave outrageously because of Ryeowook’s overly considerate treatment. They weren’t suited for one another. What was urging Kyuhyun to try this hard? Would anything change at the end of the day? The man in front of him was unchanged.

Even if they repaired their relationship, what would come of it? Would Ryeowook return to that cold house? Would he warm a bed alone each night? Would he wait endless hours in restaurants again, just to hope for a glimpse of Kyuhyun? If his little brother won this new game of his, what would happen next?

“Aren’t you tired yet?” Leeteuk asked softly.

Kyuhyun stiffened, jaw tensing.

“Everyone is different,” his brother stated gently, “it’s okay if you are not suited for marriage, Kyuhyun. No one will fault you anymore for what has happened; however, you also need to let it go. Your career is going great, you’re able to date leisurely, and you have family and friends who love you. There’s no reason for you to push yourself or Ryeowook anymore than this to prove something.”

“Is it really impossible for me?”

Leeteuk blinked, unsure what to say.

“Do you think I’ll lose interest again once I get him back?” Kyuhyun uncrossed his arms, watching his brother closely. “Is it impossible for me to take him seriously this time?”

“That’s not for me to say. I’m only proposing the least painful route for everyone which also has the highest success rate for long term happiness,” Leeteuk explained calmly. “I’ve tried many times over the years to help Ryeowook through the hard times, and I...just don’t think I could do it again. He’s a good man, Kyuhyun. He doesn’t deserve anything but happiness for the rest of his life.”

Kyuhyun only hummed in response. Non-committal. Dismissive.

***

_Past Timeline – 8 years earlier_

The months had flown by. Days grew darker and colder, but one thing hadn’t changed.

Ryeowook continued to do his best in actively avoiding _that_ man. In fact, they seemed to be doing the same thing. Every time he caught a glimpse of _him_ , Ryeowook would turn directly around and walk away For _his_ part, he very blatantly would stand and leave an area if they caught wind of one another, whether by voice or appearance. It was strange to be so aware of one another and to be so attuned to the other’s presence. However, the reasoning behind it was the furthest thing from romantic.

What bothered Ryeowook the most though was how much he had come to learn about Kyuhyun without meaning to. Trying desperately to stay away from one another often meant being far too informed about their usual hangout spots, class schedules, and club activities. These things had become so second nature that Ryeowook wasn’t thinking about it when he spoke up one evening.

It was just after winter finals, and no one was occupying the library if they could help it. Ryeowook was the same. That’s why he had agreed to have a few drinks with his roommates in celebration and while inviting more friends over, Ryeowook slipped up.

“Man, shouldn’t Kyuhyun’s gaming club be over already? It’s past 8pm,” Sungmin complained, frowning at his phone.

Ryeowook took a sip of his beer, other hand reaching for the bowl of peanuts. “He tutors until 9pm on Fridays,” he muttered absently around a mouthful of food.

A loud clattering from the kitchen was quickly followed by a triumphant shout. Sungmin groaned and Ryeowook could only look at his two roommates in confusion. Heechul rounded the corner from the kitchen, a metal pot in hand and an accusatory finger jabbing at Sungmin. “I _told_ you!”

“Shut up,” Sungmin sighed. “That means nothing.”

“Means nothing my _ass_ ,” Heechul scoffed, “That totally proves it.”

Ryeowook frowned at them. “What is going on?”

The two students shared a look before turning to Ryeowook as one. “You’re totally into Kyuhyun.”

A flush shot up his face. He tried to scramble together a reasonable response, but couldn’t think of a way to explain that their older selves time traveled and told them not to get together. Well, Ryeowook had a feeling that his older self wouldn’t want to get back together. He couldn’t be sure though. All he knew was that the Older Kyuhyun said something about them going their separate ways, so that couldn’t be good news. If divorce was on the distant horizon, Ryeowook would prefer to stay as far away from that outcome as possible. But, saying all of that was probably among the worst ways to get out of the situation.

Heechul was far from done though. He grinned smugly. “And it’s completely reciprocated. He did the same thing just the other day.” Sungmin made an excited noise of agreement as Heechul went on, “We were trying to figure out where you were because the RA was looking for you, and Kyuhyun just casually mentioned that you volunteer in the library archives on Monday afternoons. So _why_ else would you both know each others’ schedules so well if you’re not trying to get together? We’re your roommates and we don’t even know your schedule that well. Kyuhyun isn’t even your friend as far as we’re aware.”

Ryeowook was dumbstruck. _Well now what?_

The door to their apartment swung open then, and a very chilly looking Kyuhyun shuffled inside. A thick gray scarf was wrapped around his neck, but other than that, his clothing was thin and totally weather inappropriate. He tossed his book bag down and kicked off his shoes, not noticing the three sets of eyes watching him closely.

Ryeowook had resolved himself to being in Kyuhyun’s presence for the evening given that he agreed to hang out with his roommates. That wasn’t surprising. But after that conversation, how was he supposed to face this man? Looking down, he took another swig of his drink and reached for the peanuts in hopes of having a distraction.

Sungmin snatched them away, and turned back to Kyuhyun. “Hey, what took you so long?”

A frown tugged down the corners of the younger man’s mouth. “What do you mean? I got out early. I usually tutor til 9pm—”

He was cut off by shouts of excitement. Sungmin was laughing hysterically as Heechul banged on the pot—both of them clearly ecstatic at their findings. Ryeowook wanted to dig a hole and bury himself. _This is mortifying._

Peeking up, he caught Kyuhyun’s eye. The silent question in that gaze was hardly easy to answer. Ryeowook sighed. “They’re delusional.”

Heechul clicked his tongue. “Oh hush. We’re perfectly normal.”

“Just tell me what the fuck is going on,” Kyuhyun deadpanned, settling down on the couch as far away from Ryeowook as possible.

Sungmin grinned widely. “You and our roommate over there have been eyeing each other for a while now. We’re just excited about it is all.”

The freshman froze. Ryeowook swallowed a sigh. Kyuhyun shot Ryeowook a panicked glare, to which the later only glared back as if to say he wasn’t at fault. Heechul just smirked wider. “So there really is something going on? Y’know, if you guys want some privacy later, Sungmin and I can find somewhere else to stay—”

“—No. Please. That’s not necessary,” Ryeowook cut in immediately, feeling a headache coming on. This couldn’t get worse unless one of their older selves suddenly decided to drop by for a visit. He hadn’t come across the older Ryeowook, but he assumed that if older Kyuhyun was able to interfere, perhaps the older Ryeowook was able to, too.

Kyuhyun burrowed his face into the thick scarf. “Trust me. There’s nothing going on.”

Sungmin snorted. “Yeah okay. I just know my acquaintances weekly schedules down to the hour, too. Gimme a break. If you guys are embarrassed about this, there’s no reason to be. Both of us think you guys would be good for each other.”

Shadows of the future flitted through Kyuhyun’s mind. _The desperation. The heartache. The older him. The bitterness. The coldness._ No. He didn’t think they were suitable for each other. Clearly, the future was telling them a different story and Kyuhyun was far more inclined to believe divorce was on the horizon if he ever ventured into a marriage, rather than hope for a life of committed happiness. He could barely commit to spending the whole night with a person. Spending a lifetime together was unfathomable.

“Quit it already,” Ryeowook sighed, finishing his beer and standing. “If you guys are just gonna tease us all night, I’m leaving.”

Heechul pouted. “Don’t be such a spoilsport. Fine, we’ll stop. But you guys have got to give us a better explanation. Why do you know each others’ schedules so well?”

Thankfully, Kyuhyun decided to give answering a shot. “We’re both in the music department and were assigned to perform a duet. It’s a level exam so we have no choice but to exchange schedules, so we can set up practice times.”

A beat of silence.

Reluctantly, Sungmin and Heechul dropped the topic, shuffling into the kitchen to start making a late dinner. Ryeowook suppressed a grin, glancing over at Kyuhyun who was smirking with satisfaction. “That was really impressive, actually.”

“Clearly. I wasn’t about to give them a dumb explanation,” he scoffed.

“I can see why things end poorly for us,” Ryeowook muttered.

Kyuhyun shot him a glare. “There is no _us_. And do you even know what happens?”

“Actually, I don’t know. Future You has only visited me once,” he admitted. “He was pretty desperate. He kept going on about some guy named Jongwoon at the library,” Ryeowook frowned.

Curiosity was quickly getting the better of Kyuhyun. He hadn’t had anyone to talk about this time traveling fiasco with, and unfortunately, the only one who could talk to him about it was part of the problem. “Well, did you meet the guy?”

“Jongwoon?” Ryeowook tilted his head. “No, but not because Future You said not to. I just forgot about it and slept over at a friend’s place since you were hanging around my apartment.”

Kyuhyun shrugged. “I honestly didn’t mean to force you out of your own apartment. If you want me to leave, I can. Your roommates can always come to me instead.”

Ryeowook snorted. “Only an asshole would kick their roommates out of their own home like that. Just because I don’t want to be near you, doesn’t mean I can make my shared apartment a hostile environment.”

Music and the clanking of more pots and pans echoed from the kitchen. Sungmin and Heechul sounded like they were furiously discussing something, but Ryeowook preferred not to know. No matter how good the explanation, he had a feeling those two would keep up their delusions about him and Kyuhyun.

Glancing over at the younger man, Ryeowook parted his lips, “Could you go find a lover or something? Anything to make those two stop fantasizing about us being together?”

“If anyone should go find a lover, it should be you. I don’t do relationships.”

Ryeowook smirked. “Oh. Of course. That’s the main reason we don’t work, right?” He gave Kyuhyun a once over with his eyes, noting the growing irritation in the younger one’s features. “No one told me in so many words, but judging from your expression, I’m not too far off the mark.”

“Everyone keeps saying how you’re so nice, but I hardly see it. A pretty face but a shitty personality is much more believable.”

Ryeowook barked out a laugh. “It takes one to know one.”

Kyuhyun didn’t have a chance to retort as Sungmin poked his head out from the kitchen, asking, “How hungry are you guys? We’re trying to decide how many packs of ramen to make.”

“Starving.” Simultaneous.

Sungmin eyed them warily, wondering if they really were hiding an affair. “Got it. Also, can you two go out and buy some more snacks? We decided to invite a few more people and they’ll be over in like ten minutes, so neither of us wanna be out of the apartment when they arrive.”

Ryeowook sighed. “Sure. I can go by myself.”

To be expected, Kyuhyun rose no protest. Sungmin chucked a peanut at the freshman’s head, managing a perfect hit. “Don’t just sit there, you lazy ass. We’re making you dinner for free. You might as well help us out and buy some stuff.”

Kyuhyun glowered, but stood up. “If I wanted ramen, I could’ve just stayed in my dorm,” he mumbled under his breath as he dragged himself over to the door. Looking around, he noticed Ryeowook was nowhere to be found.

A moment later, the older man emerged from his bedroom with a cream colored sweater in hand. “You’re gonna freeze if you keep wearing such thin clothes.” Ryeowook tossed the garment at Kyuhyun who caught it hesitantly. “Don’t worry, it’s not a declaration of my undying love.” he rolled his eyes, “it’s just regular human concern.”

“...Thanks, I guess.”

Ryeowook smiled a little. “So even brats know how to be polite once in a while.”

Kyuhyun smothered a smirk. “Shut up.” 


	9. Purpose

Three days.

Kyuhyun still hadn’t successfully contacted Ryeowook. Of course, the odds were against him, but it was increasingly frustrating how little control he had over the situation. Was this also a form of punishment? No matter what he suffered, it would not be enough to match the years of pain he put Ryeowook through. That much became clearer each day.

Was there anything Kyuhyun could even say if they met? What would convince Ryeowook to come back? Was there _anything_ valuable enough? Worse yet, was there a way to show him that this time, Kyuhyun would be serious? Such thoughts often led to dangerous self-reflection, though. Even Leeteuk seemed to think Kyuhyun was a lost cause. In such a situation, was there hope that anyone else would believe Kyuhyun’s change of heart? Further, no matter how forgiving Ryeowook had been in the past, it would be wishful thinking to assume he believed in anything related to Kyuhyun anymore.

_Ding…_

The soft chiming of the clock dragged him out of his thoughts for a mere moment. Scrambling for his bedside clock, he read the time with a mixture of dread and anxiety. Although it didn’t happen every night, it was frequent enough to keep Kyuhyun on his toes. It seemed that this time-travel business was a bit more calculated than he initially assumed. Only certain days—seemingly random—were allowed. Kyuhyun only mildly understood the significance of each day. It had been easy the first time, but that was the day he first laid eyes on Ryeowook. So of course, he couldn’t forget that moment. The following visits were slightly harder to understand. Sometimes, Kyuhyun was so utterly confused that he just found a place to rest until time was up and he was whisked back to the present.

This night, however, he was pulled back to the past and new almost exactly what the day was. It was the first snowfall of the year. Mid-December.

He and Ryeowook had grown closer over the months through Kyuhyun’s insistent flirting. Whenever he had a chance, he would go to Sungmin’s apartment, hoping to catch a glimpse of Ryeowook coming in or departing. He would also never fail to extend a dinner invitation during those brief encounters. Around midterms at the end of October, he had finally worn Ryeowook down enough to get a coffee date. Kyuhyun recalled how hard he worked back then to court the older man…only to grow disinterested the more Ryeowook came to like him.

Kyuhyun gazed at the apartment building’s aged brick and warm lights—the sound of laughter and conversation coming muffled through the walls. Those really were good times. It was such a carefree time. _Aren’t I still acting carefree?_

The front door creaked open, followed by the sound of bickering. Kyuhyun frowned at the sight of Ryeowook and his younger self shuffling down the walkway. Backing into the shadows, he watched them curiously, wondering if perhaps he had gotten the timeline wrong. They should’ve been at Kyuhyun’s dorm this evening, watching shows and relaxing after final exams. It would eventually lead to Ryeowook growing sleepy and chilly and Kyuhyun offering him the red sweater.

 _A horrible sweater from a horrible man._  

What he saw now was a mildly irritable pair of college students, reluctantly trudging down the street.

“You really should’ve just stayed indoors. You’re going to freeze,” Ryeowook sighed.

“Your sweater is warm enough,” Young-Kyuhyun bit back, but his teeth were clearly chattering despite the thick scarf also wrapped around his throat.

Kyuhyun narrowed his eyes at the scarf, wondering why it was so familiar. In a flash, it hit him. _What?_ He stumbled after them, keeping to the darker corners of the street. _Why does he have something I gave my Ryeowook for Christmas three years ago?_ He knew that if he could get a hold of the scarf, it would have an embroidered “R” on the bottom fringe.

“Whatever,” Ryeowook mumbled. “Let’s hurry up. I don’t want to be responsible if you come down with something…again.”

“What do you mean _again_?”

The older man gave him a pointed look. “Let’s not pretend that we don’t know each other’s daily routines. I am highly aware of the days you’re absent and often catch whispers of why you’re missing.”

Young-Kyuhyun flushed in the cold, eyes cutting to the ground. “You’re real pompous, you know that?”

“I’m only telling the truth. Most people don’t get severely sick five times in one month.”

In retaliation, Young-Kyuhyun whipped his head up, glowering. “Most people don’t pass the fuck out at the library multiple times a week. What are you studying so hard for anyway? You’re a music composition major.”

Ryeowook frowned, eyes narrowing. “Unlike some people, I actually enjoy my studies. I don’t need to get drunk and party until I pass out in someone’s basement. I’d much rather fall asleep in the comforts of a warm library if it was a choice.”

“You have a shockingly sharp tongue.”

“When you’re bound to hurt both of us in the future, I think I have a little right to bully you,” Ryeowook cracked a small smile. The glimmer in his eyes was far more apologetic and hesitant than Young-Kyuhyun expected to find though.

Heaving a sigh, the younger man glared at the falling snow. “Look. I’m trying real hard not to go down that path. I don’t want anyone getting hurt because of me. I know myself and I won’t drag anyone down if I can help it.”

Silence wrapped around them as they rounded a corner, continuing down the main street of town. Ryeowook finally spoke up as they passed a bookshop, their reflections clear in the glass. “You know, maybe if you weren’t so hellbent on hurting yourself constantly, then you also wouldn’t hurt others.” He glanced over at the dumbstruck man. “If you’re so aware of your bad life choices, then why not change them? No one deserves that much pain, especially self-inflicted.”

Kyuhyun wondered if his own Ryeowook had come to those revelations around the same time. He had been so blinded by his own pursuits during this period of their lives that it hadn’t occurred to him that perhaps Ryeowook was looking at him clearly. Just how much did Ryeowook know about Kyuhyun’s inner thoughts?

Was he always so transparent? Or was Ryeowook just a superbly talented individual? Or maybe, Ryeowook was merely a normal human with the capacity to love. Kyuhyun wondered what that felt like without the constant weight of anxiety to sour any feelings of love. Had he ever managed to love Ryeowook free of his own burdensome baggage?

No. _I wish it were yes._

“I’m not…,” Young-Kyuhyun trailed off, clearly unsure how to proceed now that someone had laid bare his thoughts and feelings without a care.

Ryeowook burrowed deeper into his own scarf. “You’re not a bad person at heart...I think.” He chanced a glance at the younger man, noticing that he was listening but not looking back. “I don’t know what your end goal is, but if the future has anything to say about it, you aren’t happy with the outcome. It’s not too late right now for you to start being more honest with everything.”

“You make it sound so easy.”

Ryeowook shrugged, but said nothing.

Young-Kyuhyun clenched his hands into fists inside the sweater’s pockets. “I…just don’t know what else to do. Games are fun. I guess they got out of control at some point. But now, when I try to get serious…,” his face grew red with embarrassment, but he pushed on, eyes zeroed in on the edge of the gray scarf. “Everyone at this age has some sort of commitment issue. We can’t even commit to a major. How am I supposed to commit to another person? It seems crazy.”

“No one is asking that of you—”

“—you did. In the future, you do. I know I would never propose marriage, so that means it must’ve been you.”

Ryeowook cracked a grin. “I’m not gonna propose this time around, so you can relax. There’s no need to rush into anything you’re not ready for. You’re barely 19 years old.”

“The way you talk like you’re much older than me is irritating,” Young-Kyuhyun remarked wryly.

“Well, when you act so much younger, what else should I do?”

He barked a laugh. “Is this why you’re quiet? You don’t want people to know that you’ve got a wicked tongue?”

Ryeowook just smiled—a small unpleasant one that made Kyuhyun wonder if he had ever seen such an honest expression on his ex-husband’s face. Could he really look like that? Were they having _fun_ bantering like that? Young-Kyuhyun, from his actions and words, seemed equally amused by their exchange.

On one hand, Kyuhyun was happy with their growing comfort with one another. On the other, he didn’t like that they had already set boundaries on their relationship. It would be pointless if they moved forward with a friendship that had no opening for romance. Kyuhyun would have done nothing to alter his future.

As he watched them venture down a road—a different road, he wondered if his wish would ever come true. Had he been visited by an angel only to be teased? Was that phantom of himself so many nights ago just a cruel devil? What had been the true purpose of being given a chance to “change the past”? Had it ever been about changing anything?

Kyuhyun felt his fingertips beginning to tingle and exhaled deeply. Time was already up? It had barely been a few minutes. Perhaps a half hour, at most.

Slowly, the vision of a winter past faded away and he was returned to the cold confines of his bedroom. _I’m so…tired._

 


	10. To Be Alright

Kyuhyun awoke to the sound of his doorbell ringing. It was a Saturday and for once, he wasn’t planning to go into work. Usually, he would do anything to get out the house, especially in the past year. However, after returning from his short stint to the past, it seemed somehow…pointless to continue distracting himself from the true problem at hand. He had stayed up for hours pondering the goal of that demon-angel who gave him the ability to time travel.

Why tease him so relentlessly? Why tell him there was another chance? Why? And nothing in this timeline was changing. Clearly, his efforts bore no fruit. Maybe he wasn’t doing the task correctly? Was he changing the wrong things? Was he supposed to do something different?

These thoughts haunted him even as the sun rose, and his eyes finally closed.

And then the bell ringing brought him back.

For several minutes, he hoped it would stop and the visitor would turn around and leave. The only people who visited him were Leeteuk and his mother—but both of them had keys, so why not just come in? When the ringing continued, Kyuhyun growled and got up.

Trudging down the steps, ready to spew fire at his rude awakener, he threw the door open and choked on the anger bubbling in his throat.

Ryeowook gazed up at him, eyes large and dark. He was carefully bundled up to ward off the last chills of February. It had always been important to him to stay warm. Kyuhyun only realized years later that Ryeowook was particularly sensitive to the weather because he knew of Kyuhyun’s frequent battles with the cold.

However, those worries would be gone soon. Spring was coming.

“…Hi,” Kyuhyun croaked, immediately clearing his throat and looking down at himself. His pajamas were disheveled and his barefoot were slowly freezing over from the breeze coming in. This wasn’t the image he had wanted to present when he finally managed to see Ryeowook again. It was just another reason to believe that fate had it out for him. 

Ryeowook, unfazed by his ex-husband’s appearance, asked, “Can I come in?”

“Always,” he responded too quickly, stepping aside.

Muttering a word of thanks, Ryeowook entered and slipped off his shoes. Kyuhyun shut the door and locked it, eyes never leaving his guest.

_Guest? Have we really drifted that far? Why didn’t I understand until now that we are already no longer a ‘we’?_

Ryeowook took off his coat and scarf, hanging them diligently on the rack by the door. His slim shoulders barely held up the oversized sweater hugging his body, making him look smaller and meeker than he had ever been. Glimpses into their past had made it obvious that Kyuhyun married a truly strong-willed man.

“So, why are you here?” Kyuhyun asked softly, as if trying to coax a jumpy animal to stay.

“Time travel.”

His heart stopped.

Ryeowook glanced at him calmly. “You’ve been doing it. Time travel.”

Hesitantly, Kyuhyun gave a short nod, before saying, “I had a feeling you were as well. Is that what you wanted to tell me?”

“I haven’t been doing it willingly,” he responded. “The first time, yes, I did what I needed to do, but since then, I keep getting sent back to witness familiar and unfamiliar scenes. You’re the only person who can relate to this situation, I’m sure.”

Kyuhyun sighed. “Let’s get out of the entry hall before we get into this. Do you want tea? Breakfast?”

Never one to be rude, Ryeowook nodded reluctantly. “Tea is fine. I’m meeting Jongwoon for brunch in an hour.”

Rather than answering, Kyuhyun turned and strode to the kitchen. It was enough that he had to hear _that_ man’s name so early in the morning and in his own home. In their home. _Stop it. It’s not like that anymore._

Kyuhyun placed the filled kettle on the stovetop. Peering around his kitchen, he was relieved that it was clean—along with the rest of the house. That maid truly had been a lifesaving decision. Ryeowook would have undoubtedly scolded him for letting the house fall apart. Worse yet, what if he had thought Kyuhyun was pitiful?

Several minutes passed before he was dropping individual tea bags into warm mugs of water. He let them steep for a few moments before heading into the living room where Ryeowook was waiting. When his eyes caught sight of the man, Kyuhyun slowed his steps.

Photos of them. Possibly hundreds of photos of them were piled away in albums, hung on the walls, resting over the fireplace, and perched on side tables. Kyuhyun had never bothered to box them up or take them down. Watching Ryeowook gaze at one of their photos was possibly the worst and best thing that had happened in the past year.

Best, because he hadn’t lost all his affections for them.

Worst, because his eyes weren’t filled with longing.

Had he really been able to move on after eight years of history? Five years of marriage? Thousands of memories? Tens of thousands of touches and whispers? Was their bond such a fragile thing?

Wasn’t that fragility caused by Kyuhyun’s willfulness?

“Here you go.”

Ryeowook snapped out of his reverie, turning around and smiling at the proffered tea. “Thanks.” Carefully taking it with both hands, he took a seat on the couch.

Only hesitating for a moment, Kyuhyun slowly sank down on the cushion beside Ryeowook, watching him for any signs of discomfort. If this meeting had been instigated by him, then he’d have a plan. A method for guiding the flow of things. However, since Ryeowook had been the one to approach him, he didn’t want to do anything…wrong.

“So, how did you end up traveling back?” Kyuhyun asked quietly, peeking at the other man over the lip of his mug.

Ryeowook seemed to struggle with answering before settling on the awkward truth. “It was after my engagement party with Jongwoon.”

 _Never mind._ He swallowed the urge to cut Ryeowook off.

“I was getting ready for bed and I thought…,” his cheeks reddened, eyes falling, “I kept thinking that I would’ve wanted your blessing. I knew it was selfish, but I couldn’t stop wishing for it.” Ryeowook shrugged. “We’ve known each other for nearly a decade. Even if we didn’t work out well as a couple, you’ve been the closest person to me for most of my adult life. I guess…I was feeling the loneliness of losing an important friend.”

Kyuhyun remained silent, not trusting himself to speak.

Sighing, Ryeowook went on, “The craziest thing happened then. I met…me. Myself. He kept saying that if I wanted to fulfill this one desire, then I should go back and speak to the Kyuhyun I fell in love with. He said he could make it happen and that it would only be for a short time. He also said I wasn’t the only one with regrets. When regrets are strong enough, they manifest into what both you and I were doing. Time travel. Changing the past. Coming to terms with the future,” he stopped short, blowing softly on his steaming drink. Looking up at Kyuhyun, he tried to smile, but it was strained, “I’ve never heard you be so quiet. Are you alright?”

Was that even a question? Was he _alright_? Kyuhyun wanted to laugh at himself. Laugh at that manifestation of regret. Laugh at the pitiful shade he had become. Was this what life had come to be? Sitting on a couch with the only man who had ever tried to love him, and knowing that it was already far past goodbye. What was he doing?

Was this even real? Kyuhyun tried to recollect what happened in the year that had passed since they separated, but all that came to mind were hopeful nights and hazy ones. Puking up his feelings and crying until he was blind. Taking pills to get through the day, and taking them to get through the night. Getting high on a rush just to get high on a meaningless fuck.

Just to crash. Over and over.

“No.”

Ryeowook blinked and turned to Kyuhyun, immediately feeling his chest clench at his expression.

The man shook his head slowly, suddenly looking years older. Tired. Empty. “I’m not alright.”

Silence.

“I…,” Ryeowook’s voice faded as feelings he buried many times over dared to surface. Wasn’t this what he hated most about himself when Kyuhyun was involved? He saw his sadness. He felt his loneliness. And then nothing else mattered. All that mattered was protecting him. Making him feel loved for possibly the first time in his life.

But then, he remembered.

He remembered how useless it seemed most days. Kyuhyun had no appreciation. No inkling of change. He was a poison that Ryeowook returned to no matter how much suffering it brought. The addiction was real. And for the first time in eight years, Ryeowook had felt free of it while in the arms of another person.

Maybe this new feeling wasn’t as fierce.

Maybe his heart didn’t burn with passion.

Maybe he still dreamt of another man with an alluring smirk.

But in the face of the past—in the face of the pain that came with loving Kyuhyun, Ryeowook would rather live out the rest of his days in painless monotony. It was preferable and safe.

He wouldn’t have to lie awake warming a bed that would never warm. He wouldn’t have to fake a smile when he caught a whiff of a stranger’s perfume on his husband’s clothes. He wouldn’t have to share a dinner with an empty chair.

Even if Jongwoon never lived up to the love Ryeowook had poured into Kyuhyun, at least they would _both_ be happy.

“I thought that maybe these trips to the past would end if I could come to terms with my regrets involving you,” Ryeowook finally spoke, watching the other man closely. “That’s why I’m here.”

“So, you came to clear your conscience?” Kyuhyun scoffed, smirking miserably. “I’m a box on your checklist to tick off before brunch?” He shook his head, fingers curling tightly into fists. “My phantom…the one who sent me to the past said you and I are fated.” His voice was hollow. “I believed him. I thought this was a sign.” Dark, familiar eyes trailed over to Ryeowook. “But all you want is to be rid of me. When your regrets are cleared, what happens to mine? Do I keep reliving our shared past every night? Do I travel back and watch what could’ve been fall apart again and again? Is that my true fate?”

_Is this what I’ve been running from for so long? Was it this abandonment? This feeling of finally watching him leave? Did I really hope for this moment since we married? Why did I want this? What was I trying to prove?_

Ryeowook’s eyes widened, his own words replaying in his head. Was that what he meant? He…supposed so. But was that truly okay? Wasn’t this what Kyuhyun had always been looking for? Wasn’t this also what Ryeowook had always tried to fight against?

This exact moment. This moment where he left Kyuhyun behind once and for all.

Was this their fate?

“Why do you only care so much _now_?” Ryeowook demanded, voice louder than he had intended. Frustrated tears welled up, but refused to fall. “It was _your_ choice to never reach out. It was _your_ choice to leave silence between us for over a year. It was _your fucking choice_ to reject my feelings.” He ground his teeth against the torrent of anger and despair whirling inside. “I gave you _eight years of my life_. During that time, you never once took me seriously. It’s not fair of you to throw your feelings at me now and expect sympathy. I tried. I tried so damn hard for you and even now you’re still taking advantage of my feelings for you.”

Kyuhyun was silent, dumbstruck.

Ryeowook exhaled harshly, standing up and making a move for the door. “I can’t deal with this. I honestly can’t deal with you anymore, Kyuhyun.”

Without missing a beat, he was on his feet and catching Ryeowook by the wrist. “No, please, I didn’t—that wasn’t—I…” he fumbled for words, once again realizing how much he had been spoiled by Ryeowook. 

Shrugging free, he grabbed his scarf and coat, quickly throwing them on. “You know, maybe there are some regrets in life that will never leave a person,” Ryeowook whispered, slipping on his shoes and avoiding Kyuhyun’s hovering, helpless hands. “I will always regret that I tried to love someone who never wanted love. What a waste of both our lives.”

The door slammed shut.

 


	11. What If

Days turned into weeks. And then those weeks passed by without another word from Kyuhyun. Even the media was quiet, meaning no new scandals or sightings. In fact, it seemed as if he had simply vanished.

Those weeks felt longer than the entire year apart.

Ryeowook didn’t try to reach out, but for the first time, he truly felt alone. Pining and mourning for their failed marriage had been his constant companion and suddenly—closure. Was it closure? He replayed their encounter in his mind constantly. Every word had been dissected and every expression memorized. But it did nothing to make him feel _better_.

People told him that closure would bring an end to the frustration and bitterness. They told him that it would feel like ending the chapter of a book. Perhaps a bit melancholy, but satisfactory in the end. So, why didn’t Ryeowook feel that way at all? Why did he feel as if his heart had been torn to shreds and in its place, a vicious wound festered? Hadn’t he said exactly what he always wanted to? Weren’t those the words that had been bubbling inside of him, aching to be released?

Or had he merely wanted to hurt that man?

Had he wanted to see Kyuhyun crumble? Watch someone he supposedly loved to lose all semblance of dignity? Was this really the last impression he wanted to leave?

It was those thoughts that lingered in his mind as the present faded and the past pulled him in. Rather than relieving his many regrets, it seemed that his regrets had strengthened and with them, his trips to the past had become more frequent.

What was he supposed to do in this period?

Ryeowook took a moment to take in his surroundings, confused by the unfamiliar bedroom. Shaking his head, he looked down at himself and found an arm wrapped around his waist. A familiar scent tugged at his memories and suddenly he was fully aware of where he was. Shooting upright, Ryeowook scrambled to pull away from Young Kyuhyun who groggily rolled over.

A low groan rumbled through the college student’s chest. Blinking bleary eyes, he turned back around to glare daggers at the one who dared to wake him. With an annoyed grunt, he snatched up a pillow, weakly hitting Ryeowook with it. “God, sleep in your own bed,” Kyuhyun growled, slumping back into his sheets.

“What?” Ryeowook muttered, pushing the pillow down and reaching out to shake the man again.

“Was I not clear enough?” he slurred, one eye peeking out from where he had his face stuffed into another pillow. “I meant _get out_.”

Completely at a loss, Ryeowook tried to recall similar incidences to this one and couldn’t think of any. Had Kyuhyun ever uninvited him from his bed? _No_. Calming down, he assessed the room, noticing that none of it was familiar. It appeared to be an off-campus apartment, but beyond that, he had a hard time thinking of such a place in his memories. Further, it appeared to be a single room.

Why had he demanded that Ryeowook sleep in his own bed? They had never been roommates in college, despite dating. It had been Kyuhyun who refused to do so, citing that it would be a hindrance if they ever had a falling out. Ryeowook had agreed, knowing that Kyuhyun hadn’t lied about his behaviors and desire. Fully understanding the circumstances, Ryeowook had chosen to try and make a relationship between them work.

Had this whole thing begun out of his own willfulness?

“Are we…roommates?” Ryeowook asked slowly, prodding Kyuhyun with a pillow.

“What kind of dumb— _oh_.” He suddenly sat straight up, eyes wide and taking in Ryeowook’s appearance. Dark hair stuck up in wild chunks, framing his clumsy expression. “Why are you _in_ _my bed?_ ”

Ryeowook huffed. “I didn’t choose to do so. I didn’t choose to travel back in time either, but here I am.”

“Lord,” Kyuhyun sighed, climbing out of bed and opening his door. In a loud voice, he shouted for Young Ryeowook, but no one replied. Cursing softly, he turned around but kept a safe distance from the elder version of his roommate. “I swear it’s been years since I’ve seen you. I thought this wacky time travel stuff was over.”

“What year of college are you in?”

“I’m in my last year. You graduated already,” Kyuhyun responded, clearing his hoarse throat. Walking to his nightstand, he took a swig of water before continuing warily, “We’ve been living together since last year though.” He paused, as if thinking, and then quickly added, “We’re not _living together_ , we’re roommates. There’s nothing going on, I swear.”

Ryeowook wasn’t sure if he should amused that Young Kyuhyun was so worried about his reaction, or if he should be thankful that the boy remembered their conversation so many years ago. “I see. That’s good to know.” The words sounded unconvincing to even his own ears.

Almost immediately, Kyuhyun was asking, “What? What did I do this time?”

“No,” Ryeowook shook his head, “not you. It definitely wasn’t you this time. I…think I said something unnecessarily cruel.”

“What was it?”

He shook his head. “I refuse to repeat it ever again.”

Kyuhyun nodded slowly, softly, but his eyes remained unconvinced. Setting aside the water bottle, he gingerly took a seat at his desk across from the bed. “Uhm…so, how are you and me doing? Y’know, in your time?” He awkwardly played with the long sleeves of his shirt, avoiding eye contact.

“We…could be better,” Ryeowook admitted quietly. “I thought getting closure would make it easy to move on.” He laughed, but it sounded strained and broken even to his own ears. “But all I’ve managed to do is make things worse. Not to mention…”

“What?”

Ryeowook dropped his head, laughing mirthlessly. “I can’t believe I’m admitting this to you of all people.” He licked his dry lips, voice nearly inaudible as he said, “I postponed my remarriage to Jongwoon.”

“ _What?_ ” he repeated, head suddenly pounding. “I mean, correct me if I’m wrong, but if memory serves, you specifically came to me years ago to ask for a blessing. Why are you putting off the marriage? And just how much time has passed in the future?”

“For us, it’s only been a few weeks,” Ryeowook explained, toying with the fabric of his pants. “But you’re right. I did ask for your blessing. And I’m happy you gave it. But, I just couldn’t go through with it while my head was full of…the future you. I thought I said what I needed to say to him, but now, I only feel like I’ve done the worst possible thing.”

Kyuhyun merely remained quiet, eyes focused on the older man as if searching for something.

Slowly, Ryeowook leaned his head back against the wall, stretching his legs out on the bed. “How do you feel about the prospect of love? I can’t remember anymore what you were thinking at this age.”

“I don’t know what your Kyuhyun is thinking, because we didn’t go down the same paths,” he responded carefully, “but I…think maybe love is possible.” The admission was soft, nearly inaudible. Despite the darkness of the room, Ryeowook could make out the faint coloring of his cheeks. “Love isn’t as scary anymore, but isn’t that a normal revelation to make as you grow older? I’m not sure if I’m ready for commitment, and I definitely wouldn’t be ready for marriage by next year,” he gave Ryeowook a pointed look, “but…maybe someday.”

“Anyone in mind?”

Kyuhyun smirked. “Nice try.”

The older man laughed, shrugging. “I had to.” Sobering, he gave the young man a long look. “What made you reconsider love? That’s something you weren’t able to come to terms with even after an eight-year relationship.”

He frowned, crossing his arms. “Honestly, I don’t know how different he and I are, but I have a hard time imagining being with you,” he locked eyes with Ryeowook, “and not falling in love.”

“What does that mean?”

Kyuhyun sighed. “It means, after eight years of your pampering and people pleasing and coddling, I couldn’t ever be unfazed.” His smile was breathtaking in that moment. Had Kyuhyun ever been able to smile like that? Or was it something reserved for this new Kyuhyun in this new timeline?

Ryeowook blinked, trying to steady his thoughts. “You…think that I did reach him? Somehow?”

“Not sure,” he responded calmly, looking down, “but every time I’ve met him, he’s always been a desperate, pathetic mess. Whether or not he loved you isn’t really the question, in my opinion. His—My? Whatever.” He rolled his eyes, “Our ability to express those feelings is limited, I think. Even now, I don’t know when I’ll have the courage to face—” he cut himself off, turning red. “Yeah.”

Even if his Kyuhyun did love him all those years, why did he purposefully sabotage everything? What was the point of his behavior? “Even if he did love me,” Ryeowook began, “why did he try so hard to make me give up on him?”

The younger man raised an eyebrow. “Isn’t the answer obvious? You’re the expert on me—him.”

Immediately, every possibility raced through Ryeowook’s head.

_Doesn’t think anyone can love him._

_Keep a distance, don’t get hurt._

_Doesn’t trust anyone will stay._

_Doesn’t want to think anyone would stay._

_Doesn’t want to be alone._

“He should’ve just trusted me then,” Ryeowook snapped angrily. “Is it my fault every time? Is it my responsibility to heal a man who doesn’t want to believe in anyone?”

Suddenly, a warm hand was pressing against his cheek. Ryeowook’s eyes widened as he looked up, seeing the younger Kyuhyun’s unsure expression inches away. “Hey,” he murmured, thumb swiping across the older one’s tear stained cheek, “you don’t have to do anything. It’s your choice. I—He’ll be fine.”

Ryeowook shook his head, fingers curling around the familiar fingers caressing his face. It felt good. It felt right. Even if this wasn’t his Kyuhyun’s hand. It was the closest thing. The tears ran down harder and faster. “He won’t be fine. I hurt him more than I’ve ever hurt him before,” his voice curled in on itself, shrinking and cracking. “Was it because I’ve always rushed him? If I hadn’t proposed…if…if I had just let things go their course, would we have turned out better?”

The mattress sank slightly, and then strong arms were wrapping around him. Ryeowook immediately clung to the heat and presence and memories. Sobs racked his body as Kyuhyun softly cooed into his hair, stroking his back gently. “Our stories are different,” he whispered, “there’s no way you can change what happened. You did what you thought was right. Even if…he reacted poorly in the end, I know that he regretted it. Hell, if he didn’t, he wouldn’t have shown up and tried to force me to change his future.”

Ryeowook pressed his face against Kyuhyun’s shoulder. Was that really enough? Did his regret make up for the heartache he caused? How much of this was Ryeowook’s fault for being persistent and how much was it Kyuhyun’s fault for being untrusting? And why, for the love of all that was good in the world—why was his scent and presence always the most calming?

Why couldn’t anyone else replicate this feeling?

Even with the mountain of problems and traumas accumulated between them, Ryeowook could think of no one else whose comfort he wanted. If it wasn’t Kyuhyun, it would never be enough.

Ryeowook inhaled slowly, eyes falling shut as he wrapped his arms tighter around the man holding him. “You know,” he laughed quietly, “I’ve always loved you far too much.”

“Yeah,” Kyuhyun murmured, “I’m getting that feeling.” He tried to pull him closer, but suddenly, the weight in his arms was lessening. Looking down, he watched as Ryeowook’s form began to fade. Within the blink of an eye, Kyuhyun was alone once more.

It wasn’t just silence that met him though, it was emptiness. A hollow existence. Kyuhyun flexed his arms and fingers, trying to understand himself.

The front door swung shut and light footsteps were coming down the hall. His bedroom door opened, revealing his own Ryeowook with a flushed face from the cold. “Hey! You’re still asleep?” he complained, entering without permission. “Doesn’t your internship start in an hour? You’ll be late at this rate.”

Kyuhyun just stared.

Slowly, Ryeowook’s expression softened. Leaning down, he pressed a cold hand to the younger man’s forehead. “Are you coming down with something again? Do you want me to call in and tell them you’re not feeling well?”

Without warning, Kyuhyun wrapped his arms around Ryeowook’s waist, burying his face against the man’s stomach.

Kind fingers combed through his unruly hair, curly lightly at the nape of his neck. Another hand rubbed his shoulder affectionately. “Did something happen?”

Pause. “A nightmare. I had a nightmare.”

“Wanna talk about it?” Ryeowook offered, voice soothing.

Kyuhyun shook his head. “I don’t want to relive it.” _Losing you in one lifetime is more than enough._


	12. Resolve

Leeteuk was the first person to see Kyuhyun again.

It had been nearly three months since he disappeared. Or better put, went on a vacation. Although there was no evidence, Leeteuk would bet that the sudden trip had been triggered by something related to Ryeowook. It wasn’t possible that his workaholic little brother merely decided to take all of his vacation days from the past several years and blow them on a single, extended outing.

And so, as May came to an end, Kyuhyun’s phonelines suddenly came back on. Leeteuk was more than shocked when he received a text message inviting him to lunch, and promptly replied with a yes.

The café was small and nondescript with a simple interior. It wasn’t Kyuhyun’s style to be extravagant, but even this seemed a bit boring. As he entered, Leeteuk spotted his younger brother sitting in the back corner, a paper menu in one hand. He released a sigh of relief at the sight. Kyuhyun was healthy and alive. His skin was still surprisingly pale, and Leeteuk had to wonder where in the world he had gone off to.

Crossing the room swiftly, he swept Kyuhyun into a hug, ignoring the man’s grunts of complaint. “It’s been so long,” Leeteuk cried, squeezing him.

“Let go,” Kyuhyun yelped, patting his older brother’s back. “It’s only been a few months.”

“Well, when your family runs off without a word or message, how else am I supposed to react when they finally return?” Leeteuk frowned, pulling back and examining the other’s face. There was nothing amiss. His eyes were focused and bright, probably healthier than the last time he had seen him. “I’m guessing you were living in luxury?” he grinned.

Kyuhyun scoffed. “I’m not a poor student. I have the means to travel abroad without taking shelter in third rate hostels.” Taking a seat once more, he passed Leeteuk the menu and took up a glass of water. “I needed to reassess what I’ve been doing,” Kyuhyun admitted, grudgingly.

“Generally, or when it comes to Ryeowook?”

He stiffened at the name.

 _Of course._ Leeteuk sighed, setting the menu down and calling the waiter over. They could have this discussion after their food was on the way. As the waiter walked off with their orders, Leeteuk turned back to his fidgeting sibling. “So? What did you conclude?”

“I’m in love with him.” Kyuhyun admitted simply. Factually. “But I know I’ve hurt him. I’ve made him do and say things that he never meant.” He shrugged, eyes sober. “I’ve thought a lot about it and I don’t want to cause him anymore pain. If being with me would do that, we’re better off apart.”

Dumbstruck, Leeteuk tried to wrap his head around the words. Was this really his little brother? It was hard to believe that he had matured to such an extent. Just what was he doing these past months? Had he really been reflecting properly? The sheer idea of it was unbelievable. In all the years he had known Kyuhyun, this was one situation he never expected to encounter with him.

“Are you…sure?” Leeteuk finally asked.

Kyuhyun smiled a bit, but it didn’t touch his eyes. “It’s already been too long. I think it would only be burdensome to keep trying to force myself into his life.”

“Well, that’s very mature of you,” he brother remarked absently, mulling over something. Leeteuk now knew that Kyuhyun hadn’t been keeping up with Ryeowook at all. If he was this resigned, then there was no way he had heard the news. “Are you going to meet him anymore?”

He exhaled heavily. “Unless my job requires it, I…won’t be doing so. Since we’re in the same industry, it’s inevitable that we’ll run across one another. His new husband is also releasing an album through my company this year, so we may exchange greetings at some gatherings.” Kyuhyun’s posture tensed, despite the impassive expression he wore.

“Oh? I’m surprised you’re willing to meet Jongwoon,” Leeteuk commented, biting back his thoughts.

Kyuhyun grimaced. “I’m not _willing_. I just decided to be better this time,” he answered. “I owe Ryeowook a lot. If this man makes him happy, then I’ll…,” he trailed off, unable to finish the thought. Shaking his head, he revised and spoke again, “He deserves happiness, even if it’s not with me.”

“It’s like talking to a whole new person,” his brother grinned, which only earned him a glare. “I’m just teasing, Kyu. I’m so proud of you. Whatever happened on this trip must’ve been really good for you. I haven’t seen you this put together in a long time.”

“Yeah,” he nodded, looking down, “I was tired of running in circles without a clue what to do. I don’t know if this current solution is gonna be any better, but I’ve got to try something.”

Leeteuk almost caved then, but quickly clamped down on the urge. It wasn’t his place to involve himself any further than this. Whatever happened from here out would have to be handled by the two of them. Besides, he had finally gotten what he wanted. Kyuhyun was growing up and leaving Ryeowook alone. And Ryeowook…was doing something. Not good or bad. It was hard to classify. Leeteuk also wasn’t sure what was going through his mind—after all, they hadn’t been meeting much these days. In fact, it felt like almost a role reversal.

Ryeowook was frequently cancelling their plans because he had taken on another project at work. Or, on days he was off, Leeteuk would stop by to visit him and find him huddled away in his apartment’s music studio. Sometimes Ryeowook would be singing, other times composing a piece, and other times, just scribbling lyrics.

“So, are you returning to work immediately?” Leeteuk prompted.

“I’m considering it,” Kyuhyun responded, “I have two days left in my scheduled vacation. I’m thinking of going to the ocean for a day and night.”

“Isn’t it still too cold to swim?”

Kyuhyun rolled his eyes. “Not to swim. The waves are just relaxing, and the towns on the ocean front are usually very peaceful.”

“Are you still soul searching?” Leeteuk cocked a brow.

“Well, I have decades to make up for. There’s an endless number of things I still haven’t worked through.”

Leeteuk smiled into his cup of water. _Yeah...it’ll be okay. They can solve this problem on their own now._

***

“Are you sure about this? It’s not too late to change your mind.”

Ryeowook set the last box down in the brightly lit living room. The balcony doors were open, allowing late spring winds into the stuffy apartment. Newly purchased furniture had already been moved in and placed accordingly, the plastic wrap still carefully bundling each item. There were only the necessities. A couch. A coffee table. An armchair. In the adjoining dining room, Ryeowook had insisted upon a modest set up, claiming that he was tired of the grandiose displays. Similarly, his kitchen was outfitted with only the bare essentials—just the odds and ends important for cooking his favorite dishes. However, he had splurged on a higher end rice cooker. While living with Kyuhyun, he had grown accustomed to the features of the nicer brand and reluctantly admitted that he couldn’t go back.

“I’m sure. You’ve already been much nicer about this than I deserve,” Ryeowook smiled, looking to where Jongwoon leaned against the entry hall wall. The older man was watching him with a mixture of worry and reluctance. Ryeowook dusted off his hands, peering around the cozy apartment. “I think this is good for me. And you, too.”

Jongwoon didn’t answer immediately. He pressed his lips together gently, before saying, “If you weren’t ready to be married again, we could wait. This,” he waved his hand, “isn’t necessary. Living together isn’t a problem, is it?”

“But, I think we should both seriously take some time to think on our own,” Ryeowook responded. “There are a lot of things I’m still trying to understand about myself…and my relationship with Kyuhyun.” _Or lack thereof…_ He swallowed hard, eyes cast down. “I shouldn’t have turned to you immediately and taken advantage of your kindness. I mean, even now I’m doing that.” He laughed humorlessly. “It’s not fair to you.”

“Ryeowook.”

His head jerked up reflexively at the sound of his name.

Jongwoon was gazing at him, expression painfully thoughtful. Ryeowook flushed, unsure where to look. The other man stepped forward though, closing a hand around one of the younger one’s shoulders. “If I felt like you weren’t taking me seriously, I wouldn’t have proposed. Even now, I think we’re very suitable for one another, but I understand if you want to reevaluate. You and Cho Kyuhyun have been together for nearly a decade, so I’m not blind to the lingering feelings.” He smiled helplessly. “But you and I also have a long history. Even if we’re not engaged anymore, that doesn’t change my feelings or our potential to be together.”

“This is what I mean,” Ryeowook frowned, heart squeezing tightly, “you’re always being too considerate of me. I’m not—”

“—let’s not get into this again,” Jongwoon interrupted, tapping Ryeowook’s chin lightly, almost playfully.

Blushing, the shorter man pulled back, busying himself with unpacking one of the many boxes. “I still stand by my reasons,” Ryeowok grumbled, too embarrassed to face his now ex-fiancé. The tabloids must have been having a field day with his life. Who knew a little composer like him would have so many scandals? One year ago, he was filing a divorce. A year later he was getting engaged. A few months after that, he was cancelling the engagement.

When did he become such a source of drama?

Ryeowook tiredly slumped over, rummaging absently through the box of knick-knacks. Behind him, the sound of Jongwoon gathering his things filled the silence. Peeking over his shoulder, Ryeowook watched the older man shrug on a light sweater and check his pockets for keys. The quiet jangling urged Ryeowook up and toward the door to show his guest out.

“Thanks again,” he murmured, reaching for the handle as Jongwoon slipped on his shoes.

A hand closed around his own, making Ryeowook catch his breath. Lips brushed against the shell of his ear. “Anytime. Just…make up your mind soon, okay?” Jongwoon lingered for a moment before pressing the lightest kiss against his shoulder. He pulled away and tugged the door open.

Ryeowook stumbled out of the way, dazed and speechless. It took much longer than was polite for him to gain his bearings, shut the door, and return to unpacking. All the while though, his skin tingled from the touch while his heart warred endlessly over a different man.

 

 


	13. Like Old Times

June 14th. Just a few weeks after his conversation with Leeteuk, and somehow the day had come quicker than expected. Kyuhyun hadn’t planned on actually running into Ryeowook anytime soon, but then there he was, double checking the guest list for an album launch party and feeling his heart constrict at one name.

 _What is with my luck?_ He stifled a sigh, quickly running through the remaining names before passing the clipboard back to his secretary. “Make sure all of the name tags correspond with the list,” he ordered before heading into the main reception hall.

The catering team was busily prepping the buffet, while the design team made last minute adjustments to their decorations. Kyuhyun didn’t think he had any actual reason for checking on them, but suddenly his body was thrumming with energy and standing still was not possible. Swiftly doing a turn around the room, he smiled and nodded politely to anyone who caught his eye, but otherwise remained silent as he surveyed their work. Even if they were doing something he disapproved of though, he hardly thought he’d notice. Every ounce of brainpower had gone into playing out all the possible scenarios of his encounter with Ryeowook.

Would he smile? What if Jongwoon was there? Should he shake his hand? _Of course, you idiot._ Kyuhyun grimaced. Did he say congratulations? Or was that too much? Would it sound sarcastic? Bitter? Insincere? _It is insincere. Just don’t say anything._

He rubbed his forehead tiredly. This was quickly becoming a headache that he didn’t need on such a big day. Launch parties were always stressful as investors and journalists alike came. Everyone had to be on their best, most charismatic behavior and Kyuhyun could hardly picture himself acting civil for an entire evening. Although he had spent quite a bit of time reflecting on life, he wasn’t sure anymore if he had the strength of mind to meet Ryeowook. Suffice to say, their last meeting had been disastrous. The very memory could send Kyuhyun reeling for an emotional shelter.

He had a feeling Ryeowook would react similarly. After all, they knew each other better than anyone else, even through the muggy years. Kyuhyun was positive that his ex-husband had poured over his own words thousands of times, probably beating himself up over it. Despite the sting of his insult, Kyuhyun had honestly explored the truth of the claim.

Was he someone who didn’t want love in the end?

It was the main question that stumped him throughout his extended trip. Was love something he had purposefully fought against because it just wasn’t something he desired? But that thought slowly faded as each night alone grew longer and longer. Suddenly, it seemed as if the darkness would never end. The sun would never rise. He felt on the brink of an answer.

He wasn’t sure if love was what he wanted. He wasn’t sure if love was a futile wish.

But he did want Ryeowook. He wanted everything the man had offered him and he wanted to treasure it this time. That was the only truth that Kyuhyun had been able to garner with any semblance of confidence. From there, he had made peace with what was feasible.

Maybe he couldn’t turn back time. But those glimpses into their past hadn’t been fruitless. He could clearly see for the first time that Ryeowook had always been watching him through unfiltered eyes. Kyuhyun had spent most of their years together telling himself that Ryeowook was overlaying an image—a perfected ideal—of what Kyuhyun _could be_ , and fell in love with that. However, watching his younger self and Ryeowook interact more honestly with each other had made it obvious that he was a foolish, untrusting man.

Ryeowook—His Ryeowook—had loved him for all his flaws. Truly loved him. And Kyuhyun had refused to believe it.

There were still many things Kyuhyun treated as a game in life, but relationships were no longer even touchable. The mere idea made him nauseated. He hadn’t played anyone but himself. And in doing so, he had hurt more than enough people.

A hand tapped his shoulder, jerking him out of his reverie. “Mr. Cho, all the guests name tags have been accounted for. There’s a call from headquarters,” his secretary reported, offering him a phone.

Kyuhyun blindly took it, answering. _You can get through one evening. You can do it. You can do it. You can do it._

 

The party was in full swing by 7pm. Guests had slowed to a trickle and the main introductions had been completed without a hitch. Kyuhyun still eyed the door warily, but was otherwise preoccupied with greeting each important attendee. Given the fame and breadth of the artist being celebrated, Kyuhyun knew he would be in for an incredibly social evening. Usually, he would blow off the stress of such an evening by finding a pretty stranger for the night, but the idea made him hesitate now.

Although it was silly to feel tied to Ryeowook now that he was free, it had never felt more cruel and wrong to do so. Kyuhyun knew that eventually he would have to get back out there and perhaps even try some casual dating, but for the time being, it wasn’t possible. He had had enough of hurting himself and the only person stubborn enough to love him.

What worried Kyuhyun as he finished chatting with yet another investor was that Ryeowook had yet to show up. The party was nearly half over and there hadn’t been a single sighting. When he went to check the name tag table ten minutes earlier, there were only a handful left unclaimed.

Did he actually want Ryeowook to appear? _With Jongwoon?_ Kyuhyun winced at the image. He had refused to look at any news related to either of them after learning of their engagement. Some would have scolded him for putting his personal life ahead of his job, but this was one time where he couldn’t stomach seeing _pictures_ of them together—possibly _wedding pictures_.

“A drink, sir?”

Kyuhyun absently nodded at the waiter, taking a flute of champagne. He sipped it reluctantly, eyes darting around the room. Just as he swept the hall for the last time, he locked on the person striding in. Alone.

 _Thank god._ He released a heavy sigh, only then noticing the tension that had gripped his shoulders. Stretching his fingers subtly, Kyuhyun swallowed hard and tried to urge himself to make a move. Ryeowook was checking his phone while trailing further into the room. The name tag was pinned to the lapel of his navy-blue blazer, while a simple black shirt hugged the lines of his body. After a moment, he tucked the phone away and smiled at a passing waiter who offered a drink. Taking it, Ryeowook headed toward the buffet line next.

Kyuhyun stayed frozen to the spot, simply watching the other man go through and pick desserts. As minutes passed, Kyuhyun grew more and more anxious and frustrated at his lack of confidence. It didn’t take that much effort to just _walk_ , right? He downed the rest of the champagne, trying to shake himself loose of the fear. It wouldn’t go as badly as the last time they spoke. He wouldn’t _let it_ _get that bad_.

With liquid courage quickly warming his stomach, he took one step. Then another. Another and another. Swallowing back the lump in his throat, Kyuhyun crossed the room, stopping short a few feet away from where Ryeowook had settled back against a pillar to eat and observe the party.

Before Kyuhyun could open his mouth, the other man’s eyes flickered to him and widened in surprise. Immediately, Ryeowook’s entire body grew rigid.

 _Not as bad. Not as bad as last time. We can do this._ Kyuhyun cleared his throat. “Thanks for coming. I know your schedule must be busy,” he greeted, teeth nearly clacking together.

“Ah, yeah,” Ryeowook fumbled for words, bowing his head ever so slightly. “Thank you for the invitation.”

Kyuhyun wanted to tell him not to be so formal, but the words died on his tongue.

They shuffled uncomfortably, but neither appeared ready to just walk away. Could he take that as a good sign? Hadn’t he run through hundreds of scenarios? Why weren’t any words coming to mind? Kyuhyun tried again. “Did you come alone?” _Fuck. What am I asking?_

He nodded. “Yes,” Ryeowook replied, looking down at his small plate of desserts, “I was actually worried whether I would make it since I had a dinner date right before this.” He tensed and quickly continued, clarifying, “ _Not_ a date. I meant, I had a business meeting over dinner with a new client. They wanted to discuss some specifics about the song demo I sent them.”

Kyuhyun smiled a bit, knowing that he shouldn’t be getting giddy over Ryeowook’s words, but unable to help himself. “That’s good to know.” He refused to say the next thought that soured his mind though. _You wouldn’t be going on dates anyway. You’re married._

“Your brother,” Ryeowook began, struggling to make conversation, “Leeteuk, he told me you’ve just returned from a vacation? Where did you go?”

And just like that, the conversation eased into familiar territory. Kyuhyun allowed himself to relax bit by bit as he caught more of Ryeowook’s expressive reactions. On the flip side, Ryeowook let himself smile just a little more as Kyuhyun’s presence brought him back to sweeter times. That evening, their topics never got too deep and maybe that’s where things would go _right_ during these new interactions.

Before either of them was aware of what had happened, Kyuhyun’s secretary was coming over to them and announcing that the final speech of the night was about to occur. After that, Kyuhyun would be expected to give a few closing words and end the party.

He and Ryeowook exchanged a confused look, neither having realized over an hour had passed since their conversation began.

Cracking a smile, Kyuhyun allowed himself to laugh. “It’s been a while.”

Ryeowook chuckled. “Yeah, it has.”

Waving goodbye, Kyuhyun hurried over to the stage to standby. His entire body was thrumming with newfound energy. It had been ages since he felt this alive. He tried to replay their conversation, but found that most of it was nonsense. What did stick in his mind though, were Ryeowook’s gentle smiles and focused expressions, his soft remarks and his sharp ones. The way his eyes twinkled a bit when the light caught him amid a laugh. The way he leaned ever so slightly forward while listening or speaking. The way his very existence made Kyuhyun warm from the inside out.

After the final round of applause had been given. Kyuhyun climbed down from the stage, eyes immediately seeking out Ryeowook. He caught a glimpse of the man’s departing backside. Without thinking, he gave chase, slipping through the crowd as fast as he could. His fingers brushed the smooth fabric of Ryeowook’s blazer before catching on his warm hand.

Kyuhyun gripped hard, halting both of their steps. “Uh, how are you getting home?” he asked dumbly.

Ryeowook blinked a few times, surprised. “I was just going to take a taxi. It’s very close to here.”

“Close?” Kyuhyun repeated, confused. Weren’t they currently in the city center? Most townhouses were located closer to the outskirts where development allowed for more luxurious construction. Perhaps though, Kyuhyun just didn’t recall where Jongwoon’s place was. Well, he only went there once, so it was likely that he had poorly recollected the trip. “Ah, I see.”

“Thanks for worrying though,” Ryeowook spoke softly, fingers squeezing affectionately—or at least, Kyuhyun hoped so—around their connected hands. Releasing him carefully, Ryeowook waved goodbye. “See you. Be careful on your way home.” And then he departed.

It had been over a year and half since Kyuhyun slept so fitfully.

 


	14. Last Chance

The next time they met, a month had already passed.

Summer was in full swing and the heat was quickly convincing Kyuhyun that suits were the worst invention ever. He found himself making more and more personal appearances at music shows and festivals—mostly to help with set-up, but also just to generally introduce acts. It hadn’t really been of much interest to him the last few years, but with all his acquired free time since the divorce, he found nothing better to do.

Additionally, he had abandoned most, if not all, of his nightly outings. Being a workaholic had been a constant part of his life since taking on the company, but this was a whole new level. It was being a sober workaholic. He _wanted_ to do this.

And in a weird way, Kyuhyun really felt better. Better than he had in years.

It did help that Ryeowook was on talking terms with him again. Sure, they weren’t chatting constantly or even frequently—not even weekly, but they were talking. He was allowed to hear Ryeowook’s voice and laugh and see his smile and bright eyes. That was a gift he had taken for granted too many times to count.

On this specific day though, Kyuhyun had someone he wanted to see. Or _hoped_ to see. The lineup of performers included Jongwoon and that meant Ryeowook was most likely coming to support him. Why wouldn’t he come to see his husband’s live stage?

“Mr. Cho, we’re taking our lunch break now! Would you like to eat with us?” one of the staff members—he had forgotten her name—was waving at him from across the field.

Glancing at his wristwatch, he was surprised to see that it was indeed past noon. Where had the time gone? Waving back, he gave an affirmative.

And that was how he ended up in the biggest gossip circle of his life.

He had rarely eaten with staff members, having preferred to hide away in his office and eat quietly. Or, he would find a restaurant outside to eat at. This was currently a new and shocking experience that he couldn’t quite form an opinion about. On the one hand, it was intriguing to hear about the latest celebrity gossip since he worked with quite a few of the people being discussed. On the other hand, did he _care_ about any of this? Chances were, nearly 50% of those rumors would be proven false.

“I didn’t expect you to actually take us up on our lunch offer.”

Kyuhyun blinked, focusing in on the voice slowly. It was the staff member who had initially invited him. Smiling slightly, he offered a noncommittal shrug. “I didn’t have any other plans.”

“But even when you’re clearly not busy, you’ve refrained from eating with other staff members,” another person remarked.

“Okay,” Kyuhyun conceded, “that’s fair. I guess I’ve been more interested in work these days.” That wasn’t a lie and was probably the truest thing he had spoken in a while. Taking a small bite of food, he chewed extra slowly in hopes that they would stop asking about his life.

They didn’t.

“None of us ever got to tell you, but we’re sorry to hear about your marriage,” one man stated, offering a slight bow of his head.

Kyuhyun returned it uneasily. Swallowing the morsel of food, he cleared his throat. “It wasn’t your fault. It was a long time coming, so there’s no need to worry about the topic anymore.” The words stung more than he would ever admit, but that was the reality. He couldn’t live in denial anymore. It had been over a year of burying himself in an ever-deepening pit of regret and dismissal. Kyuhyun couldn’t live like that anymore.

Some of the staff nodded politely. Others didn’t seem to understand and pressed on. “You’ve been more approachable recently, too. Maybe being single is good for you?” one staff member teased lightly, looking mildly concerned if that was the right approach to take when chatting with his superior.

A strained smile crossed Kyuhyun’s lips and he kept his eyes on the food. “I haven’t been single in a long time. It’s a learning curve, but I’m getting better at it.” Standing up, he took his mostly finished lunch and waved goodbye at the group of workers. “I have to do some last minute detail checks. Feel free to eat at a leisurely pace. We’ll need to do the final checks in one hour.”

They all nodded quickly. Kyuhyun didn’t bother to look at any of their faces too closely, not wanting to see the pity or guilt in their eyes. Neither of those emotions were pleasing and Kyuhyun definitely didn’t think he deserved either.

 

As the concert reached the halfway point, Kyuhyun finally made his way into the crowd, searching for one particular person. He knew that Jongwoon would be performing in just a few acts, so that meant if Ryeowook hadn’t already been present, he would definitely be so now.

The throngs of people were thicker than he expected, which was a good thing. Right that second though, he hated it. It meant everyone was practically on top of each other and picking out a single man in that crowd was like finding a needle in a haystack.

 He tried all of the most likely places first before venturing into the other regions of fans.

It shouldn’t have surprised him that after twenty minutes of searching, Ryeowook was the one to find him.

Kyuhyun had all but given up and was taking a break under the refreshments tent when a man wearing a mask and ball cap approached him. It should’ve been obvious just from the disguise, but Kyuhyun took a moment to process that Ryeowook’s warm brown eyes were watching him from across the small tent.

Straightening up, Kyuhyun took a step toward him. “Oh. You’re really here,” he managed to say, still slightly winded from running around the audience.

“Were you looking for me?” Ryeowook cocked his head, a smile practically visible through the mask.

“No,” Kyuhyun lied, looking down, “not really. I…I just figured you’d be attending since Jongwoon is performing his new song.” He fingered the lip of his paper water cup, not sure where or what to look at. Why did Ryeowook have to surprise him like that? It was unfair.

“Well, that is why I came,” he admitted, glancing over at the stage which was being set-up for the next performance. “Is Jongwoon coming on now?”

“Yeah, after they finish striking the last singer’s set, they’ll put up Jongwoon’s,” Kyuhyun confirmed. “It should only be five minutes. If you’re interested, you can watch from backstage or from the staff tent. The view ought to be better than back here.” _Anything. Anything to be able to spend more time together._

Ryeowook hesitated, looking around the show grounds. After a long minute, he turned back to Kyuhyun. “Are you sure that’s okay? I don’t want to impose. I’m sure your staff are busy and wouldn’t want a stranger just taking up space.”

He shook his head. “It’s fine. I’m also a waste of space then. Just take the space I’m not using,” Kyuhyun teased, despite the earnestness of his tone.

The other man’s gaze softened. Kyuhyun told himself that no one else would have been able to notice such a small change in Ryeowook’s expression. It was a skill purely his own. _And then you threw it away. You didn’t use it when it actually mattered._

Sighing softly, Ryeowook nodded toward the stage. “Okay. Show me the way. I’d love to have a better view, considering I’m too short to see over most of these heads.”

Kyuhyun chuckled, leading him through the mess of people. Although they never touched, Ryeowook’s presence was a powerful force just paces behind him. It felt like being burned. Heated and pressing in from all sides. Dangerous and wrong and painful…but he wanted it. He wanted the memories and feelings buried deep in those flames.

The concert ended with few words exchanged between them.

It was enough for Kyuhyun to be near him. As for Ryeowook, he was no longer sure at all where anyone stood. The man he had known for over eight years was nothing compared to the maturity of the man beside him at that moment. It was like looking at what Kyuhyun could have become if they had never gone down the road of marriage— _forced themselves_ down the road of marriage.

The more Ryeowook reflected on that, the more he wondered if his willfulness was feasibly as poisonous as Kyuhyun’s. They were just different poisons that slowly sucked the potential out of their love. Clearly, their past selves had found a new future where happiness was possible. Although their circumstances were vastly different, Ryeowook knew he would never shake the feeling that he had done something wrong. Those thoughts had clung to him for far longer than was probably acceptable, but that was the reality.

Kyuhyun turned to Ryeowook, smiling a very pained smile. “Thanks for coming. If you’d like, the artists are all exiting from the back where fans can’t enter, and I can show you the way.”

“No, it’s fine,” Ryeowook firmly shook his head. “I only came to watch today. I can meet him later.” Tugging the mask down a bit, he flashed what he hoped was a confident grin. “Thanks for today. It was really nice.”

“Anytime,” Kyuhyun nodded, looking surprised. His gaze lingered for longer than was probably appropriate, but then he broke eye contact. “I have to go organize the staff members to close the concert. Be careful on your way home.”

Ryeowook swallowed the lump in his throat. They had an ocean of mistakes separating them and a lifetime of what-ifs to ponder. Was this really what the rest of their lives held in store? “Ah. I will. See you later.”

“See you.”

And then Ryeowook faded back into the crowd, keeping his head low. Kyuhyun blinked and then he the man disappeared completely into the mass of people.

“Wow, so you’re not actually on bad terms with your ex-husband?”

Kyuhyun choked on a shout. Whipping around, he found a staff member standing beside him. “W-What?”

“Oh, well divorced couples are usually a lost less friendly.” The staff member suddenly clapped their hands. “Or, are you trying to win him back? That would make a lot more sense.”

His eyes narrowed, slightly insulted by the question. “What are you implying? He’s remarried to Jongwoon. I’m not trying to win anyone back.” Did his staff really think he was a lowlife who would just stomp on someone else’s marriage? He had ruined his own marriage just fine. Doing it again to another couple—a couple that included his ex-husband—was unthinkable.

The man frowned. “What? No they aren’t. It was a huge scandal a few months ago. They cancelled their engagement and there haven’t been any new reports about them. As far as I know, they’re not even really dating.”

 


	15. Words to Remember

He had never wanted a trip to the past more than that moment.

Even after the divorce—

Even after falling to his knees praying for a second chance—

Even after their explosive argument that morning a year later—

Nothing could compare to how he felt right at this moment.

_“They cancelled their engagement and there haven’t been any new reports about them. As far as I know, they’re not even really dating.”_

He needed to talk to Ryeowook, but not _his_ Ryeowook. No. Kyuhyun wasn’t ready for something like that. If he even heard his Ryeowook’s voice right then, it would probably push him over the edge of desperation. Last time, he had allowed himself to fall victim to his emotions, but not this time.

Although the trips to the past were mostly nonexistent at this point, Kyuhyun couldn’t help but feel that the little devil who had initially seduced him into venturing back in time was still watching him squirm. With his emotions so high right then, he had a feeling it would be very possible to go back.

As the clock struck the eleventh hour, he felt clasped his hands together, muttering nonsensical mantras.

And when he opened his eyes, a very unfamiliar living room suddenly surrounded him. The lights were dim, save for a single lamp shining down on a slim figure sleeping on the couch. An open book rested on his chest, rising and falling faintly with his breath.

Kyuhyun only felt slightly bad as he practically tackled the young man who immediately jolted awake and squeaked. A heavy sigh tumbled from Kyuhyun’s lips and he squeezed the man tighter, nearly shuddering with relief. Despite the differences in time, place, and probably dimension, Kyuhyun had never felt more at home than at that moment.

The feeling was not necessarily well received.

“ _What are you doing here?_ ” Young Ryeowook tried to shove the older man off, but failed miserably. Flashes of a dusty library, gorgeous dark eyes, and a smoldering kiss raced through his mind. Flustered, he continued to try and scramble away, but found that he was unable to break away even slightly from the arms caging him.

“Please…”

Ryeowook stilled. This man was desperate all those years ago and he was still desperate. What was going on in the future? Were things still bad? He had stopped thinking about it when the surprise visits stopped some years ago. Not to mention, things with his own Kyuhyun were vastly different.

Kyuhyun calmed down as the man in his arms stopped struggling. Taking a steadying breath, he reluctantly pulled back enough to look at the face of the man he loved. “Please help me.”

Although his encounters with this particular version of Kyuhyun made him uneasy, Ryeowook couldn’t help but melt at the sight of the man. He hadn’t yet managed to convey his feelings to his own Kyuhyun, but the day was quickly approaching. It was only a matter of time before he summoned the courage and did it. They were already far past confessions anyway. The act would be a formality at best. “What do you need help with?” he asked softly.

Kyuhyun let go of the younger man, but kept a grip on his hand, lacing their fingers together without thinking. Sitting properly on the couch, he said, “Right now, in the future, it’s been over a year since we divorced. I thought you had gotten remarried to Jongwoon. But, I just found out today that you cancelled the engagement a few months ago.”

“Why did it take you this long to find out?” Ryeowook furrowed his brow.

The older man blushed faintly. Dropping his gaze, he explained, “I avoided all celebrity news after I found out about your engagement. I didn’t want to see anything involving it.” He laughed mirthlessly. “Clearly that wasn’t a good idea.”

“And so now what?” he prompted, trying to gauge what Kyuhyun was thinking. It was obvious that the news had shocked him, but…

Kyuhyun shrugged helplessly. “I…honestly don’t know. I resolved to stop interfering with your life,” he glanced up, trying to smile and failing. “I didn’t want to hurt you anymore, so I told myself that it couldn’t go any further than a work relationship…since Jongwoon is contracted with my company.”

Ryeowook whistled, eyes wide. “Wow. That’s kind of complicated. Why did you take on my—his lover?”

“It’s a business,” Kyuhyun chuckled, managing an actual smile that time, albeit a small one. “I don’t choose the talent personally. I just approve or disapprove and I wasn’t so petty that I’d harm my business over something like this.”

“I just…didn’t expect you to be reasonable considering my only other memory of you is pretty poor,” he admitted, noting that Kyuhyun was much calmer than the last time they’d met.

He huffed, but his eyes remained downcast. “Forgive me, but I don’t regret ever kissing you. There are no kisses or touches I will ever regret when it comes to you.” Kyuhyun did look up then, dark eyes just as intoxicating and alluring as before.

Ryeowook wondered if his Kyuhyun would learn how to look at him like that. If so, he looked forward to the day. Gulping, the young man squeezed Kyuhyun’s hand. “I see.”

“So? Have I managed to kiss you yet in this life?”

He stiffened at the sudden question, shooting the man a glare. Kyuhyun just smirked. Rolling his eyes, Ryeowook turned his head away. “Once. But we were both drunk and stumbling around in the dark looking for the light switch in our apartment.”

“You live together?” Kyuhyun sat up slightly straighter, eyes wide with interest.

“We do,” he confirmed. “You—He just graduated from university last year. He’s actually working late shifts at a recording studio these days.” Ryeowook nodded around the room, “Which is why I’m here alone.”

Kyuhyun sighed, looking pleased. “I’m glad things are going well. You’re happy?”

“I am.”

He nodded faintly, eyes far away. “That’s great. That’s…all I should’ve ever cared about.”

Ryeowook scooted a bit closer to him, pulling their clasped hands into his lap. Although he wanted to continue being hostile, the fight and suspicion were draining away quickly. “What about you?” he asked quietly, “Will you be happy without your Ryeowook?”

He was silent for a long minute, fingers toying absently with the fabric of his pants. “I…don’t know. Probably not,” Kyuhyun confessed nearly inaudibly. He cleared his throat, adding, “But I don’t know if my Ryeowook would ever be able to find true happiness with me anymore.”

The younger man pursed his lips, considering all the possible responses before settling on what he hoped was a fair statement. It seemed almost ignorant of him to even be trying to understand their relationship when he had been dealt a much nicer hand. “I’ve never met your Ryeowook. I don’t know much about him and I don’t know how we’ve changed since diverging from the same timeline, but I think that if it was me, I give you the second chance.”

Kyuhyun kept his head lowered, listening silently.

Ryeowook reached out, trying to tilt the man’s face up. When he did, he smiled as best he could and wiped at the tears sliding down Kyuhyun’s cheeks. “He loved you with all your flaws. He would love you now when you’ve worked so hard to change.”

The tears didn’t stop even as he closed his eyes. Slowly, he opened them, laughing brokenly at his own behavior. “Hey, Ryeowook?”

“Yes?”

“I’m going to kiss you.”

Ryeowook barely had a moment to think before his lips were suddenly captured in a very familiar, warm, and always desperate kiss. It felt like touching a lifetime of memories he would never know, and a deep pain that he hoped he would never learn.

As he was released, Ryeowook’s eyes fluttered back open to meet that beautiful pair of dark eyes. They were no longer wet with tears. They were no longer empty and lost. They were forever desperate with longing, but he knew—with the utmost certainty—that the absolute affection in those orbs would always win.

“Thank you.”

And then Ryeowook was alone once more.

 


	16. Moving Forward

It was the phone call that had compelled him to agree.

Ryeowook would have ignored a text, and probably a voice mail as well. However, Kyuhyun had called him more than a handful of times, never leaving a voice message or text message. If it was something menial, then it shouldn’t have been so important that he demanded they speak directly over the phone.

And so, he finally answered. Expecting something more dramatic than an invitation to lunch, Ryeowook was almost disappointed. Nonetheless, he had agreed.

Nearly three weeks after their last meeting at the summer concert, Ryeowook had spent more than his fair share of time pondering this new dynamic of theirs. Was it sustainable? Was it ever going to be a friendship that only held scars of a broken past? Or would their friendship always bring forth new wounds?

That was partly why he had decided to attend lunch. Maybe he could find some answers.

The café was nothing special. Other than it being a new dining place in the city, Ryeowook found nothing unique about it. The menu had familiar foods and the décor was minimalistic, but trendy. All in all, a forgettable place.

He expected to arrive earlier than Kyuhyun, but was surprised to find the man sitting at a back table, looking over a menu. Ryeowook slowed his steps, waiting until Kyuhyun looked up to greet him.

“Hey, long time no see,” Kyuhyun smiled, waving at him.

Ryeowook relaxed a bit. “Yeah. Long time no see. Have you been busy?” He settled into the chair across from him and picked up a menu as well.

“A bit,” he murmured, “I’ve been working on some complicated paperwork recently, so that’s been keeping me up later.” As if to emphasize the point, Kyuhyun yawned, barely managing to stifle it. He shrugged sheepishly. “I guess I’m more tired than I thought.”

“Jongwoon doesn’t really tell me much about your company. Are you working on a new project?” Ryeowook tilted his head, curiously.

Kyuhyun paused. “I…suppose that’s one way to put it.” He glanced up at a waiter coming toward them. “Let’s order first and then I’ll explain.”

Ryeowook nodded, choosing a random item off the menu. It hardly mattered when everything was generic. He was surprised that Kyuhyun had chosen such a bland place. The café was just beginning, and it was clear that they were still learning how things worked. “Okay,” he spoke up, taking a sip of water on the table, “what’s this project?”

“Well, I’ve been thinking about it for a few years, but after doing a financial review recently, it seems we’re finally ready to move forward.” Kyuhyun’s eyes glimmered. “I’m planning to expand into China. We’ve already found a suitable building in Shanghai to work out of while we’re testing the market. Jongwoon and the newer artists won’t be participating in the project, but our older artists will be.”

“Wait.” Ryeowook could feel his head spinning. “So, you’re leading this?”

He nodded, expression neutral. “I’ll be moving there in a month.”

“Oh.”

If Kyuhyun noticed anything strange about the reaction, he didn’t comment. Instead, he offered a few more details about the project and structure, but Ryeowook hardly processed any of it. Rather than feeling like he was losing the love of his life, it felt like losing his best friend—a dear, frustrating, aggravating, insufferable best friend.

But still, the closest person in his life was moving forward. Truly moving forward.

Their food arrived amidst Kyuhyun describing some of the interesting aspects of the Chinese music scene, and Ryeowook was glad for the distraction. He focused on eating, nodding and humming agreements where appropriate.

He knew they hadn’t been part of each other’s lives for a long time, even before they were divorced, however, this was a bit more shocking than he had expected. When had he lost his best friend to time, jealousy, and bitterness? When did it all start?

“Ryeowook?”

“Huh?” He shook his head, focusing back on Kyuhyun who was watching him with concern. Ryeowook flushed, setting his utensils down. “Sorry, I’m just really surprised. You’ve been thinking about expanding to China for years?”

“It’s been on my mind,” he spoke carefully, eyes falling back to his food, “but like I said, it was mostly a money issue. Now that that’s stable, it’s a good time to move forward with this plan.”

Ryeowook pursed his lips. “I guess…that’s sensible. Will you be permanently moving? Or…?”

“If we’re successful, I’ll be staying there for several years at the minimum.”

Forcing a smile, Ryeowook nodded. “I understand. Well, congratulations on launching the project. I’ll be wishing you the best.” He ignored the quickly widening gap in his chest, knowing that nothing would fill it. It was a void that was meant for lost potential. Lost time. Lost everything.

Kyuhyun flashed an easy grin. “Thanks. So, how has your composing been going?”

And then their meal continued in uncomfortable peace. The looming weight of Kyuhyun’s confession barely allowed Ryeowook to think about anything other than China and heartache.

It was pathetic.

He was pathetic.

Their plates were cleared. The bill was split.

As they stood to leave, Ryeowook wondered if the emotional exhaustion that came with meeting Kyuhyun would ever fade. Before those thoughts could wrap themselves around Ryeowook, a voice was pulling him back to the present.

“Wait, I have something for you.”

Ryeowook turned back around, seeing Kyuhyun rummaging through his leather bag. Several files were crammed into the bag, looking disorganized beyond belief. Laughing softly, Ryeowook watched the other man struggle. “Some things don’t change. Shouldn’t you secretary be handling those files? You’re definitely going to mix up papers.”

Kyuhyun shot him a playful glare. “Whatever. These are important and I’m learning to be responsible.” He chuckled under his breath. Finally finding the correct envelope, he passed it to Ryeowook.

It was an unmarked manila envelope.

“What is this?” Ryeowook flipped it over, reaching for the metal hook on the back.

Kyuhyun’s hand shot forward, stopping him. “Open it later. They’re just some documents.” He smiled one last time, slightly breathless and more beautiful than Ryeowook had ever seen him.

Too dumbstruck, he merely nodded, lowering his hands and gripping the envelope securely.

“Goodbye, Ryeowook.”

 

He watched Kyuhyun’s retreating backside for as long as he could, not quite understanding what had just happened. The man faded from view and for several minutes, Ryeowook had no idea what he was supposed to do.

It felt…different. Final.

Looking back down at the envelope, he sank back onto the café chair. Carefully unhooking the clasp, he slid the documents out.

A marriage certificate.

There was a single note attached to it.

_For you and Jongwoon. Good luck._

 

 


	17. Epilogue: The Beginning

“Are you sweating?”

Ryeowook slapped Kyuhyun’s shoulder. “Shut up. I’m nervous! This is serious.”

The latter snickered, poking Ryeowook’s red cheek. “What are you nervous about? It’s just us. It’s what we’ve always been doing.” He pressed the palm of his hand against the shorter man’s jaw, stroking along his cheekbone gently. “We’re just doing something that’s been a long time coming.”

Taking a deep breath, Ryeowook exhaled and slumped slightly. He knew there was nothing to be scared of. They were sitting in their apartment, on their couch, on a regular Saturday night. There was no pressure and no cameras and no ocean of trauma to separate them.

“Don’t you think we’re lucky?” Ryeowook suddenly asked, twirling the pen slowly between his fingers as he stared down at the document. “I…didn’t tell you, but I met him recently.”

“Who?” Kyuhyun cocked his head, wrapping an arm around the other man’s waist. He leaned into him, resting his head against Ryeowook’s shoulder.

“I guess recently isn’t a good word,” he mumbled, eyes unfocused, “it was quite a few years ago, but I just never forgot the look on his face. Well, your face.”

“A visit from the future me?” he prompted, surprise coloring his voice. “What did he want?”

Ryeowook frowned. “It was about second chances. I told him if it was me, I would’ve given him the second chance, but…,” he trailed off, shaking his head. “I don’t even know why I’m thinking about this right now.”

“Well, it’s part of their timeline too.”

“What do you mean?”

Kyuhyun sat up, running his fingers idly up and down Ryeowook’s side. “I mean that we’ve diverged a lot from each other’s timelines, and even our meeting was different. But this one moment, although I bet it’s different looks wise—it’s still the same exact event they shared.”

Ryeowook glanced at his partner. “Do you think we’re making a mistake? It seems like nothing went right for them. _This_ especially didn’t go right.” He tapped the paper between them.

“It wasn’t the paper’s fault,” Kyuhyun rolled his eyes, leaning over to press a light kiss against the man’s throat. He smiled at the slight jolt it sent through Ryeowook’s body. Hugging him suddenly, he pulled Ryeowook into his lap. “I don’t think they regretted trying to love each other. Just like you and me. No matter what happens to us, I will never regret loving you.”

“When did you become such a softie?”

Kyuhyun just chuckled, kissing away the tears that slid down Ryeowook’s cheeks. “You were patient. You made me love you. You cook good food, too.” He laughed harder as the smaller man elbowed him.

Sliding off Kyuhyun’s lap, Ryeowook leaned back over the documents. Tracing Kyuhyun’s signature with his eyes, he resolved himself. There was only one thing missing from the papers.

It was all on him.

He pressed the pen down, swiftly signing off in each box. As he finished the last signature, he released a held breath. Looking up at Kyuhyun, he couldn’t stop the growing smile. “After eight years of friendship, we’ve finally done it, huh?”

Kyuhyun brushed his fingers through Ryeowook’s hair, dark eyes glowing warmly. “Yeah. Thank you for marrying me.”

 

***

 

The building was made up of three floors in one of the many skyscrapers of Shanghai. Rent was fair for the location, and thus far, they had been making more than ends meet. Kyuhyun was rather surprised by the success. Who would’ve thought the Chinese music market would be interested in Korean singers?

“Mr. Cho, here’s the mail.”

He looked up, nodding his thanks at the secretary. Shuffling through the envelopes, he paused at a light blue, square one. There was no sender address. Setting the rest of the letters down, he slid his finger along the seam of little blue envelope, tearing the seal.

Tugging out a cream-colored card, he flipped it open. There was only one sentence.

No signature. But he knew who it was.

 

_Let’s fall in love again in another lifetime._

 

Kyuhyun kissed the card, a smile on his lips.

 

_.END._


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